Monthly Bible Study

Alcohol 

Even though alcohol is legal, that doesn’t make it a wise choice. We hear many times in the bible about getting drunk. Noah got drunk and was found laying naked in his tent. Habakkuk warns those who gives drink to his neighbors until they are drunk, so that he can gaze on their naked bodies. Many good-intentioned men did terrible things while they were under the influence. Especially when Lot’s two daughters got him drunk so they could lay with him. Many Christian homes are torn apart by alcohol abuse. I know many of you will point out that drinking itself is not a sin, and in fact, Jesus’s first miracle was turning water into wine. While I will agree with your point, I would ask, how many of you know that point of when drinking alcohol falls into being drunk? How many of you can resist peer pressure when you are out with friends to not have just one more? Can you stop drinking when it goes from being a habit to an addiction? But once a person is addicted to a substance, his body craves it and he often will lie, steal, or worse to get that substance. See how this habit can take on a life of its own, without you even noticing it? The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21. So while there is no law against drinking alcohol, I would ask you, what good situations have come from drinking?

Poor communication 

How many arguments have you and your spouse had because of poor communication? If you are like me and my husband, we have had a lot. Maybe that’s why the Bible focuses so much on how to communicate with others, especially our spouses. The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences. Proverbs 18:21. This is why before you speak, you should ask yourself, “Will my words be pleasing to the Lord Jesus Christ?” And, “Are my words both truthful and loving?” To blast your spouse because “that’s just how I feel,” may be truthful, but it’s not loving. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ. Ephesians 4:15. Another tip is to ask yourself, what good will come from what I am about to say? If you can’t think of anything positive, it’s probably best left unsaid. As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man. Proverbs 27:19 

While we need to weigh our words, we should also be honest about how we feel. To be dishonest about how you feel or not to say anything to avoid conflict may seem loving, but it’s not truthful and will lead to long-term distance in the relationship. So choose your words carefully and lovingly. Pray before you speak and ask God to help you with your word

Anger

A great marriage requires a husband and wife who are quick to apologize and forgive quickly. However, we often use the excuse of, I need time to process, my heart needs time to heal, and I can’t rush forgiveness. A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1Of course there’s the other one we all say and do, “Im not the one who needs to apologize, he is, I have done nothing wrong.” The more time that passes during an argument, the more destructive they can become. Have you ever noticed that when you start arguing, other problems start to come up? “Since you brought that up, I have something to say about that” Ever had those kinds of conversations? The ones where you can’t even remember what the original argument was about because you are talking about problem #47. When even the little problems don’t get resolved, the emotional tension built up. Then, like a volcano, the pressure became too much and you blow up. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:25-27

Forgiveness

Healing may take time, but forgiveness should be immediate. Don’t withhold forgiveness in an attempt to heal. Forgiveness is the first step toward healing. Forgive and allow God to heal you. This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20. When you say or do something that hurts your spouse, apologize for your words and actions. When your spouse apologizes, forgive “as God in Christ forgave you.” Even though you may not feel like forgiving your spouse, you need to for your own mental health and spiritual growth. To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. For, “The one who desires life, to love and see good days, Must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit. 1 Peter 3:8-11. God made men and women very different from each other which can give us plenty of things to argue about. He also created us in his image and gave us his son as a perfect example. So when you and your spouse start to argue, think of how Jesus would handle a situation like that and do your best to walk in his ways.

Stress can sneak into our marriage at any time, and usually, when it rains, it pours. So how can we handle stress in a way that is honoring to God? How can we learn to deal with stress without making the problem worse? Try not to fix the problem, but have empathy for what your spouse is feeling. Ask your spouse to share with you about his stress. Sometimes we just need someone to listen and provide a shoulder to cry on, rather than have someone fix our issues. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6. Furthermore you can pray for and with your spouse. Praying together out loud makes us more vulnerable to one another, and we can therefore minister to one another better.

When your spouse is feeling stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, he may act out in less-than-ideal ways. Some ways that people respond to stress are to complain or protest. Other people become angry, numb, or just shut down and shut people out. However your spouse is responding to stress, don’t take it personally. We can always point our spouse back to Jesus because he is our perfect example of how to handle every situation. He tells us to Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4. But how did Jesus act when he was under a lot of stress, he frequently would retreat by himself and pray to his father. We know after His baptism Jesus entered the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. There, He prayed and fasted for 40 days and nights (see Matthew 4, Mark 1, Luke 4), which helped contribute to His success over temptation. Likewise, when we face demanding seasons, prayer can help us face and meet the challenge. Jesus prayed so intensely in the garden of Gethsemane before he was taken to stand trial, in Luke 22:40-44, that he sweats blood. We also see that Jesus likes to be alone during difficult situations, so if your spouse just needs some alone time, let him have it. Just encourage prayer for him during that time.

Most of all Jesus tells us not to worry about the future. We have very limited control over what the future holds for us. So instead of being fearful, we are to be in prayer. Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:34. God already knows what we need before we even ask, so tell him what’s on your heart and he will give you his peace.

Serving your Spouse

God has given us all so many wonderful spiritual gifts. It’s up to us to determine what those gifts are, and how we are to be using them. These gifts are intended to be used to serve our community, strangers, and our loved ones. We are not to use these gifts to build ourselves up so that we can boast about how awesome we are, but rather to help build each other up. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms 1 Peter 4:10. It seems like we can always think of mission trips or service projects to do for others, but do we ever think about how we can use our spiritual gift to help out our spouses? After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. John 13:5. Serving your spouse can be something as simple as doing a chore for him that he usually does. It can be a neck rub or maybe just some quiet time away from the kids. Don’t think of serving your spouse as what will I get back in return, but would Jesus be doing this for me?

Do not Deprive your Spouse

Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:5. Oh that Satan, always looking for some way to come between you and your spouse. He is clever alright but you are filled with the Holy Spirit. So use God’s wisdom and insight to outsmart him and not let him have a foothold in your life. Satan is very aware that God made sex desirable and enjoyable for both partners. It’s one of his blessings we get to enjoy within the confines of marriage. But Satan knows if we start using it as a punishment for one another, it will cause far greater damage in our marriage.

Pray for Each-other

How often do you pray for your husband? I know it can be hard because we have so many other people to pray for sometimes. But do you pray for God to help guide your husband to be a strong leader of your family? Do you pray for his emotional and physical health so he can continue to provide for your family? Our husbands do a really good job of being stoic and acting like they have everything taken care of, but what if he doesn’t? Maybe he is just as scared as we are. I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession, and thanksgiving be made for all people. 1 Timothy 2:1. I love Paul, he is always encouraging us to pray. He knows that is how we have the best relationship with our heavenly father. He knows that the first relationship we need to be at its best is ours with God and then the one with our spouses. Paul also recognizes how incomplete we are, but how God completes us. But as believers, we must humble ourselves through prayer and ask for God’s guidance. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16. By being a humble believer, we can acknowledge our need for God, and how much our spouse needs God and our prayers for them. God already knows what we need before we even ask, but he still wants us to pour our hearts out to him in prayer. So what are some practical things to pray for your spouse? I’m so glad you asked, here’s a list.

Pray for his health.

Pray he will be obedient to the Lord.

Pray for the challenges he is facing.

Pray he would have spiritual strength.

Pray for him to lead you and your family.

Pray he would be fulfilled in the work he is doing.

Pray for his decision-making.

Pray for his role as a husband, father, and leader.

Pray for his relationships with other people

Pray for protection. 

Pray for his future.

Pray for peace.

Pray for the presence of Christ in your marriage.

No Grumbling

Holy happiness does not mean that all your days will be filled with rainbows and unicorns, but what it does mean is that you will have God’s peace upon your heart regardless of what’s going on around you. Our circumstances should not dictate our level of peace. One way we can make sure that we are happy and at peace in the Lord is to not focus on the bad. This is why we are told not to grumble against each other. But why do we so easily fall into that trap? Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door! James 5:9. In James (4:1) said it’s because our passions are at war within us. We feel like something is absent that should be present, or something’s present that should be absent. We constantly have this struggle inside of us of wanting to please God but being hard-hearted with evil desires. This is one of our weaknesses where when we rely on God, we are made complete.

God also doesn’t want us to grumble because when we grumble we forget all God’s benefits. We forget his incredible forgiveness and healing and salvation. We fail to remember all the blessings and good things he has heaped upon us. The same is true for marriage, when we grumble against our spouse, we tend to forget all the good qualities that we first fell in love with. What if we were to focus on how our husbands are a blessing in our lives rather than a nuisance? What if we focus on how many times he has had to forgive us? How many times we have wronged him and he has not sought his own justice? The list could go on and on about how wonderful our husbands truly are. Stay focused on their good qualities and praise them for that, don’t grumble over their weaknesses.

Speak truth

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4: 25-27 How many times have we told a big fat lie? OK what about just a tiny white lie? Telling the truth can be extremely difficult, especially when the answer is something we don’t want to hear. How can we be truthful with our spouses and do it lovingly? The balance between truth and love is a very thin line. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God. John 3:21

If we are saved, then we are full of the Holy Spirit, and prayer is essential before any possible confrontation. Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance on the words that we say. The next thing to consider, is are we speaking biblical truth? Can you back up your argument with scripture? If you can, lead with that. Never try to be truthful when you are angry, it will always come out wrong. The fruits of the spirit are gentleness, humbleness, and patience. Have those conversations bearing those fruit. Once we have had a possibly difficult conversation, there may be hurt feelings and even anger. The Bible is very clear about going to bed angry. DON’T DO IT. At least tell your spouse you love them and kiss him goodnight. The devil doesn’t need our help in getting a foothold in our lives and marriages. He does a great job all by himself.

Seek to do Good

No one should seek their own good, but the good of others. 1 Corinthians 10:24. This phrase goes directly back to our topic last week about agape love. The kind of love that puts you before me. If this is so for the way we should treat our other brothers and sisters in Christ, how much more does it apply to our spouses? We should have the desire to want to see our spouse thriving and doing good in this world. Never should we want to bring them any harm. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. 1 Thessalonians 5:15. The word strive means to work towards something. It doesn’t mean that we always succeed. God knows how much we struggle with sin and temptation and he knows that our husbands and kids can drive us mad, but we must strive to keep our behavior and our mind on what God would be pleased with. To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor, and immortality, he will give eternal life. Romans 2:7. God rewards his children when we follow his rules. He doesn’t make rules just to be a mean father and hold over our heads what He is not allowing us to do. No, he makes us obey his rules so that we stay safe and don’t get hurt. It’s the very same reason why you don’t let your children play in the street. God wants the love that we have and show our husbands to be a representation of how He loves us. Of course, we won’t fully understand what God’s love is truly like until we get to heaven, but in the meantime, we can certainly STRIVE to show that kind of love to our spouse.

Agape

Greek agapē, in the New Testament, is the highest form of love there is. This type of love refers to the love that our heavenly father has for us, and in return, the love that we have for him. God does not merely love; He is love. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.1 John 4:8

Everything God does flows from His love. The most perfect demonstration of this love was done by Jesus when he died on the cross for us. Jesus not only lived out the example but he told us stories of how to live out this kind of love as well. Jesus tells us the parable of the Good Samaritan as an example of sacrifice for the sake of others. This loving sacrifice was made with no consideration as to how we would be treated in return. The good Samaritan had everything to lose and nothing to gain, yet he showed his love to a stranger despite all that. We are to love others with agape love, whether they are fellow believers “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13: 34-35. Agape love as modeled by Christ is not based on a feeling; rather, it is a determined act of the will, a joyful resolve to put the welfare of others above our own.

Agape love involves putting others before ourselves the type of love, you before me. It’s a love focused on faithfulness, commitment, and an act of the will. While this is used for the love between God and ourselves, it is also used when talking about spouses. Think about how much happier marriages would be overall if everyone had the you before me attitude. Agape does not go off of how you are feeling at that moment or how you have been treated. To see a picture of what agape love looks like, we can turn to 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 

You hear this verse all the time at weddings and for very good reason. This is the ultimate love, not based on how the other person makes you feel. You don’t love someone just because they say nice things to you, or make you feel smart. You love them this way because this is what God requires from marriage. While agape love is the highest form of love, we can see it contrasted with philia love or brotherly love.

Phila

Phila describes brotherly love, which is why the city of Philadelphia is referred to as the city of brotherly love. This love is different from agape love in almost every way. Philia refers to love based on mutual respect, common values, and shared love. This is always a non-sexual relationship and can even be passed down from multiple generations. We see this type of love displayed when God provides for His people when they were in need, protected them from their enemies, and forgave them when they sinned against Him. Two people are better than one. They can help each other in everything they do. Suppose someone falls down. Then his friend can help him up. But suppose the man who falls down doesn’t have anyone to help him up. Then feel sorry for him! – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10. Just because Phila is “brotherly” love doesn’t mean you can have that love towards your spouse. Remember when you were dating and you would stay up until all hours of the night talking on the phone, or spending time doing activities together because it was a mutual love? There are many different ways we can show love to our spouses because we love them in different ways. We love to have conversations with them, make sure he is taken care of, and have an intimate and physical relationship with him. Love is so complex and multidimensional, I don’t think we will fully understand it until we get to heaven. Only then we will see the true and purest form of all kinds of love from our heavenly father.

No Provoking:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. Galatians 5:22-26. If your spouse is struggling with something, do you like to boast about how you have no struggles with that issue or do you try to help them with their weakness? Some people have a weakness in controlling themselves with food, spending money, or sexual desires. It doesn’t matter how big or how small the struggle is, what matters is how you and your spouse handle those desires. Can you help serve your spouse by being strong in the faith where they are weak, and in return, they are strong where you are weak? If you have an issue with self-control when it comes to food, but your husband does not seek his help in the matter, it can become quite dangerous for envy over his self-control to creep into your mind and your marriage. Keeping in our mind at all times that the holy spirit lives inside of us, will help keep our focus on serving God, rather than serving our desires. The holy spirit helps keep our passions and desires God-focused. We all have strengths and weaknesses. How are you using your strengths to help build up your spouse and how are you asking for help with your weaknesses?

Bearing Burdens:

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:1-2. It is hard to watch a family member or a spouse going through a difficult time, suffering from something, or just under a heavy load from this world. Well, luckily the bible tells us to not leave those people in their times of need. Often when people are hurting they can lash out and become extremely difficult to be around. The person suffering, however, needs a solid rock to hold on to while it feels like the rest of the world is quicksand. But what does being someone’s rock look like? Sometimes it is just sitting with them quietly, letting them know only by your physical presence that you are there. Many times words are not needed, but they can just make the problem worse. It can look like taking over household chores while the other person may be physically unable to do so. You can also pray for one another. Even if we can’t be in the same physical location, God is omnipresent so He can be with them. 

Whatever your circumstances may be, there is always something you can do to bear one another’s burdens. When we gather around our spouse who is hurting or struggling, our added strength and encouragement are often the difference between pressing on and giving up. We can also seek help from the church, whether that’s mentorship or just prayer from the pastors and elders. When your spouse has a heavy burden, what do you do to lighten that load? What do you do to make that load heavier? Are you aware of when a burden is getting to be too much? Start with communication. Sometimes your spouse will tell you what’s going on, sometimes he won’t. But you know your spouse better than anyone, so use that wisdom of his personality and find ways to help bear his burdens. It will change your marriage, I promise.

Instruct One Another

I myself am convinced, my brothers and sisters, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with knowledge and competent to instruct one another. Romans 15:14. One of the things that God tells us to ask for and that he will freely give is wisdom. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5. God knows that it doesn’t take long for us to start acting in our foolish ways, because like sheep we have all gone astray. We all wander off and seeking wisdom is one way we stay on the straight and narrow. God knows that once our thinking becomes off, our lifestyle will soon follow in its footsteps and the road to destruction is wide. We are also called to help keep our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ in the right direction as well. But if we are going to give instruction and advice, we better be willing to be on the receiving end of that as well. This, however, is not always easy. It hurts our pride when we are told we are not living in the right way. Speaking the truth in love means to humbly pointing out areas of inconsistency in their walk with Christ and warning them of potential dangers. True love is having a stronger desire to keep our loved ones safe rather than keeping them happy.

Care for One Another

 But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 1 Corinthians 12:24-26. Most married couples would tell you that they want unity in their marriage. Because if you don’t have unity, you have division. But that’s why we are to think of our marriage relationship as being only one body, not two.

After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. Ephesians 5:29-31. Paul uses this illustration of the human body to show how we are the church body are supposed to care for one another. The same way is true in our marriages. If we are flesh of Adam’s flesh and bone of his bone, we are to act as one flesh towards our spouses. To be mean and spiteful to your own body is not a normal thing. Think of your marriage as a three-legged race, you can’t go running off in different directions. You are bound together, and you will cross the finish line faster if you work together in unity.

Dont Judge

How easy it is for us to look at our spouse and think, the way you’re doing that is all wrong. How easy it is for us to think that we are the righteous one in the relationship and all eyes should be upon us as the Christian role model. But Paul calls us to focus on our own faults. God doesn’t want us concerned about what other people are doing or how they are performing. When Jesus tells his disciples the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, the Pharisee was confident in his own righteousness and from that proud position judged the tax collector; however, God sees the heart and refused to forgive the Pharisee’s sin. God knows our hearts and how we feel. When we become proud and boastful, God is not fooled by our fake smiles and happy telephone voices.

You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written:

“‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord,

‘every knee will bow before me;

 every tongue will acknowledge God.’”

So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God. Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. Romans 14: 10-13.

There needs to be unity not only with the body of believers but also with our families in our day-to-day lives. Passing judgment on others will only cause divides in our relationships. Hypocritical judgment is wrong and Jesus warns us against doing such. When we point out the sin of others while we ourselves commit the same sin, we condemn ourselves. It is easy to forget our own faults and flaws, but let’s try to remember that we are not always 100% delightful.

Building Others Up

Leading the family is a very difficult and very serious job. It often comes too easy for a wife to criticize her husband on the decisions that he is making regarding the family. Unfortunately, we don’t see the destruction that we are doing to our husbands and to our marriage relationship when we do those kinds of things. If the husband and wife are strong separately, they will be even more strong when they are unified regarding their family. Let us, therefore, make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Romans 14: 19. As spouses and hopefully brothers and sisters in Christ, we are expected to help each other grow in our faith. Sometimes that growth needs further encouragement to keep going, but sometimes it means reproving when we go astray. Edification can be a very tricky and delicate task. Edification is best approached out of love, and certainly not when feelings are hurt and emotions are high.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29. By building up your husband as an individual, he will have a greater contribution to your family and to your marriage. Some might think that they do not tear down their spouses, and that’s true. You may not say things out loud but sometimes it is what we don’t say that does the greatest damage. There is no neutral ground. You are either in the process of building up your husband, or you are in the process of tearing him down. How do you want your spouse to treat you?