Monthly Bible Study

God made us human, not robots, and for that very reason, we can experience a variety of emotions. Some are good, such as love, joy, excitement, and contentment. Others, however, we would rather not experience such as betrayal, disappointment, and anger. The real kicker is that we can experience all these emotions and so many more just from being married. Let’s face it, our spouse will not always act in a way that only our positive emotions are stirred. In fact, Jesus tells us that our life with him will not be all rainbows and unicorns. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33. So how can we react and respond to these painful situations in a way that would make Jesus smile? God doesn’t tell us to slap a smile on our faces and pretend like everything is alright. No, rather he tells us to not let these emotions take hold in our hearts. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23. God tells us over and over again, that whatever is in our hearts, will eventually come out of our mouths. Holding on to these toxic emotions makes us bitter and resentful, making us unable to love. And if we are not able to love, how does our marriage possibly stand a chance? Marriage is not just a one-time commitment of love, but rather a daily commitment to love our spouse no matter how they act or how they make us feel.

What else should we guard our hearts against? What about fear? I know for me that’s definitely a big one. But how can we calm our minds and our souls when we don’t know the future? Think about how many times in the Bible, people were up against impossible odds, God told them not to worry, and somehow they found victory because of their faith. Well, what if we did the same thing? What if we prayed and sought God, even when our future looks bleak? Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31. We have 2 choices in this life. We can live a life of fear and not get to enjoy all the good things that God has planned for our lives, or we can live a life of faith and put all situations in God’s hands. If we choose to live out our days with nothing but fear and anxiety, not only will we miss out on joy and happiness but also we will remain self-focused, rather than turning our focus to God. God deserves all of our focus. He wants our minds and our hearts. So why don’t we give him what he wants instead of giving into the devil, and giving him what he wants? In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26-27.

All too often we live in the moment, feeding off our emotions and impulses. But what would happen if we trained our brains and our tongues not to just react but to stop and think about how our response affects our spouse? Let’s face it, our spouses will never act the way we expect them to in all situations. Many times we sit there and pray for God to fix our spouse, but maybe we are the ones who need fixing. If our spouse acts sinfully, but then we respond sinfully, aren’t we both sinners? A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1. I’m sure you have heard from your mother or grandmother, two wrongs don’t make a right. It’s almost like they got that wonderful advice from the Bible. How we respond to our spouse can either cause the fight to rage on, or it can stop the tension dead in its tracks. The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18. Our words make a huge difference in the future of our marriages.

The Bible tells us our words hold the power of life and death. So what would happen if we chose words that could bring healing to our relationship rather than anger and strife? When your spouse acts poorly, you need to respond with truth and love. These days the word truth is very vague. Apparently, everyone now has their own truth, but the only truth you need to know is God’s truth. Speak God’s truth to your spouse rather than just the truth, or your opinion of the truth. Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23. But it’s not just the words we use, but our tone of voice, our body language, and so forth that help convey our verbal message.

We live in a fallen world and it will be a constant struggle for us to find the right words to say to our spouse. We are constantly learning how to respond better, and how to speak everything in love. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8. Our heavenly father wants nothing more than for us to come to him in prayer, so come to him and ask him boldly and frequently to help you with your tongue and behavior.

The desires of our heart greatly affect our thoughts and actions, so if the desires of our heart aren’t appropriate, neither will anything else be. Sometimes, we can have appropriate desires but still have wrong actions about how we deal with those desires not being met. When our desires are not in the proper order, putting God first, those desires can turn into idols for us, even without the intention of doing so. When we feel like our spouse is letting us down by not pitching in and helping around the house, even though our desires for him to be helpful are appropriate, blowing up at him is not. But how often is our initial response anger and frustration? Luckily for us, God knows exactly what is in our hearts. But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7. He knows when we desire good things, but let our sinful behaviors prevail.

Our behavior can become sinful when situations don’t go our way. But if we are honest with ourselves, there are many times when things don’t go our way. That’s when the sin of pride comes creeping in and we want everything to revolve around us and be for us. Even if that’s how you feel on the inside, you can ask God to help control your attitude and your actions. It is all about how we respond to those situations that can help our marriages and other relationships.

Trust in the Lord and do good.

 Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.

Take delight in the Lord,

 and he will give you your heart’s desires. Psalm 37: 3-4.

If you desire to be a more loving spouse, to look more like Jesus, all you have to do is ask, and He will help you. And if you want to see how Jesus handled situations where things did not go as he hoped, read Mark 14:32-41. This is where Jesus asks his disciples to stay awake and pray with him, he’s about to be handed over for his crucifixion and multiple times he returns to them and finds them asleep. This was an extremely stressful situation for Jesus and he could have easily blown up at his disciples. Instead, he is honest with them and tells them about his disappointment, but he also forgave them. We can always look to Jesus for how to handle situations. After all, he came down to earth so that He could personally know the struggles we face, and he faced them perfectly. So read your Bible and pray to be more like Jesus.

Have you ever overreacted to a situation, especially one involving your spouse? Ok good me neither, but for those of us who are not perfect (definitely me), we should try to identify why we respond negatively to our spouse. Most of the time these responses happen when we aren’t able to talk with our spouse. We assume that if he left in a hurry, or had to end the call soon, he must be angry about something. But what would happen if we looked at the situation differently? What if we looked at the situation as if he was in a hurry, not angry, and we can talk about things later when he has more time? Don’t beat yourself up too much, I’m sure your spouse has overreacted to some way you treated him too. But why do we do this? Because we are sinful people with a heart that has self-serving as priority number one. This behavior was even seen when Jesus was here on planet Earth. Then a demon-possessed man, who was blind and couldn’t speak, was brought to Jesus. He healed the man so that he could both speak and see. The crowd was amazed and asked, “Could it be that Jesus is the Son of David, the Messiah?” But when the Pharisees heard about the miracle, they said, “No wonder he can cast out demons. He gets his power from Satan, the prince of demons.” Matthew 12:22-24. Jesus was perfect, performing miracles, and healing people, and still, people assumed the worst in him. Some said, “He’s demon possessed and out of his mind. Why listen to a man like that?” Others said, “This doesn’t sound like a man possessed by a demon! Can a demon open the eyes of the blind?” John 10:20-21.

Now that we know the problem, we have sinful hearts, overactive imaginations, and are prone to be self-serving, how do we remedy the situation? First, we don’t rely on our flawed human strength, we rely on Jesus and his perfection. Second, we pray without ceasing. In Luke 18, Jesus tells a story about a woman who is persistent in her pursuit of justice. The ungodly judge decides to give her what she wants due to her persistence. So if a worldly and ungodly judge would do that, how much better will our Father in heaven treat us? Even he rendered a just decision in the end. So don’t you think God will surely give justice to his chosen people who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will grant justice to them quickly! But when the Son of Man returns, how many will he find on the earth who have faith?” Luke 18: 7-8. I know some of you hear “just pray” as an answer to your problems and you think, that’s it? There’s nothing more I can do, but have you considered just how powerful your prayers are? After all, that is why Jesus came to earth so that he could bridge that gap between us and God. Now we have immediate access to our heavenly father and we don’t have to see anyone special, or go through ceremonial washings. “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:12-13. So please don’t consider prayer as insignificant. God listens to us and cares for us more than we will ever know.

When we are left to our own devices and our thoughts we think pretty highly of ourselves. We try to sound humble by saying things like “Sure I’m not perfect” or “I have made some mistakes in my past” Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. Matthew 7:5. Does that attitude of thinking of ourselves continue on even after we become saved? We tend to think that we are much better than how we used to be, but do we still look at ourselves through rose-colored glasses? It’s so easy to fall into that trap of pride, isn’t it? Thankfully those of us who are married can count on our spouses to let us know when we are less than perfect. Our spouse should be the first one to point out that we could have handled a situation better or that maybe the fruit from our tree has gotten a little sour. This can be an extremely difficult pill to swallow. How dare he point out that I am anything less than perfect, right? But listen, we all have moments of impatience, anger, and pride. Because let’s face it, even though we are saved by Jesus’s blood, we are still sinful creatures. A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart. Luke 6:45. We will not reach the perfection we so long for until we are with Jesus in heaven. While we are on this earth, we will still slip and fall into sin. Only Jesus was able to live a sinless life.

Our whole goal in life should be to live more like Jesus. So how do we do that? First, you get to know someone best the more time you spend with them. So spend time with Jesus every day in your bible. Another way is to have God help you produce a better crop. That happens with sunshine, rain, and sometimes even a little manure. Growing fruitful trees is not always a walk in the park, sometimes the days are too long and too hot, sometimes it doesn’t rain for weeks and then when it does, it floods everything. And most of the time you get the best fruit when you have poop all over you. Sounds wonderful right? Well God wants us to endure these trials so that we can become strong trees. The stronger we get the more we can endure. Then when we are faced with tornadoes or hurricanes, our deep roots in God will keep us safe and secure. So when your spouse points out to you that some of your fruit is going sour, try not to take offense to it, instead look at that as one more way they are helping you be more like Jesus. You are just one step closer.

It is often too easy when our marriages become challenging to think, “What about my happiness, what about what I want out of this life?” Those are all valid questions. Nobody wants to go through life unhappy or feeling like your spouse got everything he wanted, yet you have done all the sacrificing. But that can be a dangerous slippery slope for believers. We can get caught up in the lie of, if I get divorced I can finally do things my way and then I can finally be truly happy. God warns us of the trouble we will find when we walk away from his commands and try to find our own happiness.

God places the lonely in families;

he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.

But he makes the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. Proverbs 68:6.

Jesus understands the temptations of this world. He also understands what it’s like to not want to do something, but do it anyways for the glory of God. Before he went to the cross he begged God for another way out, but ultimately was submissive to God’s will. But if you choose to disobey God’s will for your life, you will be subject to all the consequences of that decision.

And you have brought this upon yourselves

by rebelling against the Lord your God,

even though he was leading you on the way! Jeremiah 2:17

God wants us to follow down roads not that are fun, but those that will lead to everlasting life. He knows those fun and easy roads will only lead to our destruction. God wants us to have a full and rewarding life, but not at the cost of our souls. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:27-28.

So if you are sitting here thinking how much better your life would be without your spouse telling you what to do all the time, just remember that God HATES divorce. God wants us to stay married and work things out not because it is easy and fun all the time, but because it will help grow our character, make our marriages stronger in the end, and make our relationship with him even stronger. If we decide to walk out of the protection of his umbrella, we may face a future just as Israel did when they abandoned God.

Has any nation ever traded its gods for new ones,

even though they are not gods at all?

Yet my people have exchanged their glorious God

for worthless idols!

The heavens are shocked at such a thing

and shrink back in horror and dismay,”

says the Lord.

“For my people have done two evil things:

They have abandoned me—

the fountain of living water.

And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns

that can hold no water at all! Jeremiah 2:11-13.

So lean on God and travel the hard road, because God will be with you on that road. God loves you and is trying to keep you safe. And after all, our truest happiness comes from God and God alone. The stronger our relationship grows with him, the more happy we will be. He is the way, the truth, and the life.

When we are married, all eyes are on you. Your spouse is looking to see how you’ll respond to each situation and when you have children, they are especially and looking to see how mom and dad react towards each other. Not only that but as soon as you step outside the comfort and privacy of your home, everyone is watching. They watch to see how you treat your spouse, how you treat your kids, and so forth. If you are a Christian you have a bigger responsibility to act a certain way in all aspects of your life. Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity. Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. Colossians 4:5-6. When problems arise in our marriage, and they will, our kids are watching our every move. Our kids are like little sponges, soaking up how we react to stressful or difficult situations. When you have two sinful people in a marriage, responding to each other in sinful ways, what do you think we are teaching our children? We are teaching them how to respond negatively to the one person they love the most in the world. But what if we showed our children how even if you are being treated poorly, whether by your spouse, or anyone else, then they can be armed with the qualities that God finds appealing?

In this life, we will be mistreated. How we respond to that mistreatment says a lot about who we are and what we believe. Just because your spouse is treating you poorly, doesn’t mean you need to respond back in the same way. Actually, the bible tells us not to respond that way. Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel. Philippians 1:27. Ultimately we are here on this earth to please God, to hear those words “well done good and faithful servant” when we leave this life. Everything we do, and the ways we act should be glorifying to God. We cannot behave in a glorifying way if we are constantly keeping score of who’s the better Christian, and who has done more right than wrong.

There may be times in your life when your spouse or your children will need correction. How you go about the correction will play a huge role in how they respond to it. Oftentimes, when we point out areas that people need to work on, they often respond with ways that you too need to be improving. Yet do this with gentleness and reverence, keeping a clear conscience, so that when you are accused, those who disparage your good conduct in Christ will be put to shame. 1 Peter 3:16. No matter what areas need refining, the spotlight will be shown back on you. How will you defend your actions and your behavior? All of us are sinners, yes, but are we actively living our lives in a way that’s glorifying to God? Can it be seen in us, that we are trying to live a righteous life? With so many eyes on us, scrutinizing, whether they mean to or not, we must stay focused on Christ as our true north. If we don’t, we will end up the way of course with a difficult time and energy needed to right the ship.

It can be very challenging when you have a spouse who doesn’t behave or act like a Christian 100% of the time. Oh wait, that’s all of us. Yes, in our christian walk, we stumble and fall down, but hopefully we have a spouse who is ready and willing to forgive us and walk beside us. That is easier said than done. Sometimes when your spouse is treating you badly or making poor decisions, we tend to default to act that way too. That way he knows what he looks and sounds like, right? But is that how we are called to act as Christians? Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. Ephesians 5:1-2. So we are supposed to live as an example of Christ. Did you notice what it didn’t say, only if others treat you right. You see God knows that we will be used and abused in this life, but our response to those situations is what makes us different from the rest of the world. Modern society says if your spouse cheats on you, you are then free to cheat on him, you know make things fair. But God didn’t tell us to make things fair, or get even, he told us to turn the other cheek. We are made different from the world because we answer to The God, not to the god of ourselves.

I am the Lord, and there is no other.

I create the light and make the darkness.

I send good times and bad times.

I, the Lord, am the one who does these things. Isiah 45: 7

God sends us good times and bad. During the bad times, its easy to think that God is punishing you for something but that might not be the case. What if He is trying to build your character and make you stronger? He did that with Job when he let Satan take everything from him. Job had the question we all do, why? Why if you love me, do you allow bad things to happen? God’s response to him was amazing. To paraphrase he tells him because I know what is best for you. “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you know so much. Who determined its dimensions and stretched out the surveying line? Job 38:4-5. Now that is a sobering thought. God not only created all of heaven and earth but he manages every second of our lives, who are we to pout and tell him that life’s not fair?

So when you feel like the world is turning against you, or your spouse is not acting like he should, first pray for him. Then instead of asking why, and I know there are so many terrible situations out there, but thank God for these trials and ask Him to help you through these troubled waters. But most of all, be a representative of Jesus. Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. Hebrews 12:14. You never know who is watching, and who you will help win to the Lord just by your behavior.

When we look at the biblical record, we find that after the creation of the universe, God establishes marriage. Adam and Eve were the first husband and wife and God establishes their marriage based on a covenant promise between Him and them. The act of marriage consisted of three things: leaving, cleaving, and becoming one flesh.

“At last!” the man exclaimed.

“This one is bone from my bone,

and flesh from my flesh!

She will be called ‘woman,’

because she was taken from ‘man.’”

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Genesis 2:23-24.

So why does God ask men to leave their fathers and mother and cling to their new wives? This is part of a symbol of manhood. These men must leave the shelter of their parents and start learning ways to provide for themselves. No longer are these men under their parent’s authority, supervision, or provision. They now make their own decisions, are responsible to provide for themselves financially, and are no longer under the obligation of obedience that characterized their relationship as young children. Some parents can still hold significant emotional sway over their adult children and may even contribute to major decisions, including career decisions and romantic interests. Many young men have not separated themselves from their parents and thus are not yet ready to be married. Before they can get married and manage a family they need to learn how to break away from clinging to their parents and instead use the wisdom from their parents to start leading their own lives.

“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” Matthew 19:4-6

Sexual intimacy between a husband and wife is the ultimate fulfillment of the “one flesh” principle found in Genesis 2:24. While consummation closes the wedding, it also marks the beginning of the marriage. The “two becoming one” The two are to be so knit together that they behave as one person. While they are two separate people, this “one flesh” union makes them one, together. Consummation marks the end of the old individual life and the start of the “one flesh” union that will continue through marriage for the couple. Therefore, if the couple is biologically able to consummate the marriage, this should be the final seal of the wedding.

In Hebrews 13:4 it says, “Marriage is honorable.” It’s clear that God wants us to aspire to holy matrimony because it is ordained by God. Marriage is a covenant and that God is involved, in fact, God is even a witness to the married couple. Marriage is important to Him.

Alcohol 

Even though alcohol is legal, that doesn’t make it a wise choice. We hear many times in the bible about getting drunk. Noah got drunk and was found laying naked in his tent. Habakkuk warns those who gives drink to his neighbors until they are drunk, so that he can gaze on their naked bodies. Many good-intentioned men did terrible things while they were under the influence. Especially when Lot’s two daughters got him drunk so they could lay with him. Many Christian homes are torn apart by alcohol abuse. I know many of you will point out that drinking itself is not a sin, and in fact, Jesus’s first miracle was turning water into wine. While I will agree with your point, I would ask, how many of you know that point of when drinking alcohol falls into being drunk? How many of you can resist peer pressure when you are out with friends to not have just one more? Can you stop drinking when it goes from being a habit to an addiction? But once a person is addicted to a substance, his body craves it and he often will lie, steal, or worse to get that substance. See how this habit can take on a life of its own, without you even noticing it? The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21. So while there is no law against drinking alcohol, I would ask you, what good situations have come from drinking?

Poor communication 

How many arguments have you and your spouse had because of poor communication? If you are like me and my husband, we have had a lot. Maybe that’s why the Bible focuses so much on how to communicate with others, especially our spouses. The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences. Proverbs 18:21. This is why before you speak, you should ask yourself, “Will my words be pleasing to the Lord Jesus Christ?” And, “Are my words both truthful and loving?” To blast your spouse because “that’s just how I feel,” may be truthful, but it’s not loving. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ. Ephesians 4:15. Another tip is to ask yourself, what good will come from what I am about to say? If you can’t think of anything positive, it’s probably best left unsaid. As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man. Proverbs 27:19 

While we need to weigh our words, we should also be honest about how we feel. To be dishonest about how you feel or not to say anything to avoid conflict may seem loving, but it’s not truthful and will lead to long-term distance in the relationship. So choose your words carefully and lovingly. Pray before you speak and ask God to help you with your word