I really despise the saying “happy wife, happy life”. I feel like that just makes us sound like a bunch of mentally unstable psychopaths. Like if things don’t go our way, everyone else is just going to be miserable and regret the day they were ever born. But if our husbands and families are trying so hard to keep up happy, shouldn’t we be doing the same for them? So what makes a husband happy? Most of the time not much, they are pretty easy to please but let’s focus on some biblical ways to make them truly joyful instead of just happy with their current circumstances.
1. Husbands want respect. Respect not only is something that makes a husband feel like a man, but it’s also a biblical mandate. Ephesians 5:33 explains, “The wife is to respect her husband.” Do you encourage your husband or do you mock and roll your eyes every time he talks? How you treat your husband has a huge impact on how he responds to you. Remember this is the man you promised to stand by no matter what, even when he says things that make us cringe. Do you talk down to him? Do you thank him for all that he has done for you? How often do you express your appreciation for your husband?
2. Husbands want trust. 1 Corinthians 13:7 says, “[Love] believes all things.” You can build trust in your marriage, too. Trust isn’t just not having to worry that the other is cheating, but knowing all your deep dark secrets will never get out. Putting one spouse in charge of the monthly budget takes a huge amount of trust. Trust is a reaction to love. It’s a by-product of and key to a healthy marriage.
“There is no fear in love” (1 John 4:18). It may be difficult for you to trust because you’re afraid, but “Do not fear” is a command mentioned repeatedly throughout the Bible. You and your husband should be best friends. You both should feel comfortable sharing your goals, dreams, fears, and struggles. The more you share with each other, the stronger your marriage will become.
3. Husbands want peace. Do you find yourself being argumentative with your husband? If so, why? You guys are on the same team, out for the same goal. Don’t make enemies out of each other. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Romans 12:18. If Paul tells us to get along with everyone, how much more is that intended for our spouses? We are meant to be one flesh with him and it’s unnatural to be at odds against our own flesh. I’m not saying the two of you have to agree on everything but try holding your tongue and picking your battles with him. Consider if what your arguing about is even worth the argument.
1. Characteristic of a Biblical wife is maintaining Perseverance/Patience. Remember those vows from your wedding day?For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part? Did you really mean that or did you mean just until things got a little bad and then I’m out of here. Because let’s face it, we don’t like feeling uncomfortable, struggling, or being unhappy. Once any of those things happens, our flesh immediately wants out of that situation. Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. Galatians 6:9. But remember you and I are not 100% delightful, 100% of the time. We have our own weaknesses and poor character traits, so if you want your spouse to be patient and forgiving with you……you should probably treat him the same way.
2. Characteristic of a godly wife is having biblical priorities. It can be easy in this day in age to become busy and distracted with life. We must be intentional with creating time for prayer, worship, and devotional time. That time that we spend with God will help strengthen our spiritual health and improve our relationship with God.To have biblical priorities we must think about what is important to God. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. Matthew 22:36-38. The most important thing for God is our relationship with him. So stay focused on the Lord and everything else will fall into place.
3. As godly wives, we should be constantly demonstrating our Hope and Joy. Nothing says fake christian louder than a grumpy and angry woman. Even though Jesus tells us that we will suffer many things in this life, we will also experience great hope and joy, whether that’s from our earthly circumstances or looking forward to our eternal ones. Not every season of marriage is destined to be hard. There are many seasons of marriage filled with personal growth that help bring you and your spouse closer together. We must also be careful when saying God wants us to be happy. Well, that’s kinda true. He calls us to be holy and honoring to him. Through our seeking of God and continuing to be obedient, is where true happiness is found. Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28. If we truly believe this verse then walking through trials and temptations gives us a whole new outlook on our hope and joy for the future. We know that God is a good and loving father, ultimately He wants what is best for us and our relationship with Him.
Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand. Matthew 12:25
When we are divided, our defenses are not as strong and as sharp as they should be. When we as spouses are fighting and divided on major topics that affect our lives, it makes a perfect opportunity and soft spot for the devil to start plucking away at dividing our marriages. The devil is very smart, he’s been around a long time and knows a lot about human character. He’s has been studying our behavior since the dawn of time. Since Adam and Eve, he figured out just how easy it was to trick us and turn husband and wife against one another. Not much has changed since then. So how do we stay one step ahead of this crafty devil? We need to know his tactics, and what kind of weaknesses he is looking for, and attack those head-on. The Bible tells us there are seven detestable things to the Lord.
16 There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him:
17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood,
18 a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil,
19 a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.
Haughty Eyes: Let’s focus on some of the characteristics Satan loves to see in his potential prey. Haughty eyes describe an attitude of arrogance and a spirit of superiority. Do you know someone like this? They like to think of themselves as judges over others, criticizing or rebelling against authorities, and they love to brag about all their accomplishments.
Humility: The best way to avoid having haughty eyes is to humble yourself. If you don’t do it, God will. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2 Being humble involves thanking God for all he has done and is doing in your life. What about when someone points out where you lacking? That can be a hard pill to swallow sometimes, but what does your response look like? Do you attack the person back, or do you take their criticism and build upon that? Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. Do you consider other people’s interests before your own, and do what’s best for them.
A Lying Tongue: A person with a lying tongue intends to deceive others either to hurt people or exalt oneself. People use lies for all kinds of wicked things like staying out of trouble, getting ahead, or to keep a perceived reputation. Do you know someone like this? Someone who withholds information, tells little white lies, not telling the truth about a wrongdoing, telling exaggerated stories that make said person more flattering.
Speak in Truth: Speaking truth in love is the best way to keep you out of trouble from telling lies. Sometimes it can be too tempting to make the story a little more exciting so that you look better, but just remember, God knows the whole story. Even if your audience is fooled, God is not and one day the truth will come to light.
Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ. Ephesians 4:15
Plunging into Sin: This indicates a person who exhibits no resistance to sin, but rather is enthusiastically involved in doing what displeases God. For example, when Eve was tempted, she failed to resist the serpent’s words; but, believing him, she plunged into sin. Some people will tell you that sin and temptation follows them wherever they go, but this certainly is not the case. If you are a recovering alcoholic, you don’t go hang out at the local bar every night because your friends are there. And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell. Matthew 18:9. If you know you have certain weak spots for sin, get as far away from that temptation as possible.
Sin No More: OK so maybe don’t literally gouge out your eye (you won’t have many body parts left if you start cutting off everything that is sinful) but what Jesus means we should be prepared to make exceptional sacrifices if we want to follow Him. That means if you need to find a new job, new house, new friends, new church….DO IT. It will be much better for you to give up your earthly stuff than staying stuck in a cycle of sin. Jesus has forgiven you but he also said to go and sin no more. So what is stopping you from making that happen? Certainly it’s not because you are not strong enough.
“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13.
Together we are strong. Whether that’s together with our spouse or together with God, but certainly all 3 are stronger than just 2. God made us weak in our human state but he did that so that we would realize our need for him and lean on him. We cant dabble in sin and expect to have a good marriage or a good relationship with God. So walk away from those sinful temptations. With God, all things are possible, right? Stop just saying those words and start believing it.
What does that even mean, two becoming one? Have you ever been so close to someone you felt like you knew what they were thinking, you could finish their sentences, and you knew them better than you know yourself? God wants that kind of close and intimate relationship between husbands and wives. Intimacy involves physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects and if you try to eliminate one of the three legs of that stool, your stool will topple over. Having a healthy sexual and physical relationship can help improve a relationship of oneness like no other. When we experience sexual gratification with your spouse, your body releases endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin (which are our feel-good hormones) to help further bind our feeling of physical attraction to one another. Sex is something that requires a high level of trust between partners and physically speaking, there is no other way of getting closer to someone than through sex. A sexual relationship is also one of the best ways to show love for your spouse.
Photo by Alberto Ramu00edrez Sobrino on Pexels.com
Even though physical intimacy is wonderful, it takes up very little time compared to the other aspects. Having a strong emotional connection takes lots of time, and effort to build. It involves learning about one another, all of your deep dark secrets, stories from your past, hopes, goals, dreams, and aspirations for the future. All of it. Remember when you were dating and you wanted to learn everything about the other person, even if that meant staying up all hours of the night talking. That takes a huge desire, time and energy to want to get to know someone on that sort of level. You should be able to tell your spouse anything without fear of rejection. To have an emotional connection with our spouse we must first have one with God. That means we have to be vulnerable and not be afraid to love and be loved. This is not always easy and can sometimes be a bit painful, especially in our earthly relationships. One way to work on your intimacy with your spouse is to confide in them something that you worry about, feel insecure about, or just be open and vulnerable, then pray about those things together.
A spiritual connection is the last leg of the stool that helps complete a marriage and make it the blessing that God truly designed it to be. Unfortunately, when we get married we don’t turn into one person, think the same things, or act the same ways. If we did marriage would be easy and divorce wouldn’t even be a discussion in so many homes, but we are still so different from each other. God designed us differently but also to complement one another. God designed marriage so that no other bond would be quite like it. As we grow in maturity, God expects us to share our spiritual maturity, knowledge, ah-ha moments, and so forth with our spouse. They are a vital part of our spiritual growth. The closer we grow toward God, the closer we grow toward our spouse. The closer we grow toward our spouse the closer we grow toward God. Do not forget to invite God into this process of growing together, after all, marriage was his idea.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3: 12-14
Is perfect harmony really achievable for a married couple? Well if the bible says that something is possible we should definitely believe it. We must also follow the directions the bible gives for finding this perfect harmony, and sometimes that can be challenging.
Remember on your wedding day, you thought there was no argument too big, no habit too annoying, that you could overlook almost anything. Well now it’s been 10, 30, or 50 years later and you may have been wrong on your wedding day. There are definitely some things that are hard to get over, hard to forget, and hard to overlook, and the things you once thought were cute are now sort of annoying.
Good thing God knew we would need some help in this area, that’s why when we surrender our lives to Christ and become believers, the holy spirit helps to develop kind and compassionate hearts within us that we can forgive one another. The problem is we hear confusing world statements like “forgive and forget” which throw us off. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean that we will develop amnesia over the situation. We are able to forgive some pretty difficult, but also emotionally scarring events. You can forgive someone but still have some emotional healing to do and stuff to work through and that’s okay. Just because you need time for your emotional wounds to heal doesn’t mean you aren’t able to forgive the person in the meantime. Forgiveness is not, saying that what the person did was okay in the first place, or letting them off the hook. It does not mean that it erases all the hurt it caused. It just means that you can start moving down the road to a healthy marriage the way God intended it to be.
Think about Christ up on the cross for us, think about all the physical and emotional abuse we poured out on him, and how he still forgave us and died for us. If Jesus did that for us at our worst, what can you forgive your spouse of that you have been holding on to? Just start with an apology, whether you are in the wrong or not, I’m sure your behavior over the situation was less than pleasing to God so find something to apologize for and do it. Even if your spouse has nothing to say after that, let the Holy Spirit do the heavy lifting in their hearts and things will begin to move. Don’t let barriers come between you and your spouse. Satan is already doing a great job of that, don’t give him a helping hand.
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19-20.
Have you ever gotten into an argument with your spouse because the two of you weren’t communicating effectively? Sometimes it seems like husbands and wives speak different languages. But God designed spouses differently so that we could be complimentary to each other. The bible warns us repeatedly of controlling our tongue and there is a very good reason for that.
A soothing tongue [speaking words that build up and encourage] is a tree of life, But a perversive tongue [speaking words that overwhelm and depress] crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:4
Our words carry immense weight with them and have the power of life and death. So sometimes the focus of our conversations is not what we say but how we listen to each other. Nobody wants to feel like they are talking to a brick wall so be engaged in the conversation you and your spouse are having. It’s also important to realize the person’s intentions behind the conversation. Is your spouse coming from a place of love? Do you know that their intentions are good, but you are just picking on the way it was phrased, or maybe the timing wasn’t perfect?
“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32).
It’s alright to be the first one to apologize. It doesn’t make you weak, in fact, it makes you look more like Christ. And in case you have forgotten, try to think about how many sins Christ has forgiven you for. I’m sure it’s an overwhelming amount. When your conversations turn heated, try to leave the past, in the past. It doesn’t do anybody any good to bring up hurtful situations from the past, especially if that situation has already been dealt with and forgiven.
1 Thessalonians 5:17 tells us to “Pray continually.”
If we are constantly in prayer for our spouse and for our marriage, it is more difficult to stay focused on our spouse’s flaws, and the issues in our marriage. God already knows what we are dealing with, our frustrations, limitations, etc so cast your burdens upon him. If we are praying for our spouse it not only makes that relationship stronger between ourselves and God but also the relationship with our spouse. Prayer only makes things better, so find a quiet place where just you and the creator of the universe can be alone and pour your heart out to Him. Not only will you be able to start mending the broken areas of your marriage but you’ll fall in love with the time you spend with God. You will start to crave that one-on-one time with Him.
What is love? Well if you ask the world you come up with a very different answer than if you ask God.
What are your expectations for your marriage? Are you hoping that your spouse will meet all your needs, behave perfectly, and never cause you any undo harm? If those are your expectations, maybe you signed up for the Disney package for marriage, you know the one where everyone lives happily ever after, nobody ever fights, and life is perfect. Alright, let’s get a grip and get back to reality. Our spouses are just as flawed as we are, they will never meet all of our needs, they will behave badly and they will bring troubles and heartache into our lives. So does this mean that we are doomed to a lifetime of misery? Certainly not. God is always to the rescue with a blueprint of how to live Godly lives through our marriages.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7.
I’m sure we have all heard these verses more times than we care to remember, but what do they really mean? Have you ever sat down and thought about what that kind of love looks like on a day-to-day basis? What about the part about not keeping records or wrongdoing? Because that would suggest that we have a contractual marriage with our spouse when God wants us to have a covenant marriage. A covenant marriage allows grace, forgiveness, and a focus on love instead of a focus on how many needs of mine can you meet? (which our spouse cant meet all of our needs, only Jesus can do that, so that plan is already set up for failure) What if in our marriage we were only focused on loving each other unconditionally, putting the others needs ahead of ours (the kind of love that God demonstrates for us), and seeing how the rest of the details play out from there. How could you demonstrate unconditional love to your spouse? In a healthy marriage, we must trust in God that he will fill the void of our needs that our spouse is unable to fulfill.
One need that everyone has is our emotional and spiritual health. This week ask your spouse how you can pray for them and DO IT, every day for seven days. If they don’t pick up on the hint, offer kindly how they can pray for you as well. And for extra credit, pray together every day. You only need to spend less than 5 minutes doing this, but just see what happens to your marriage when you start praying together. I can’t wait to hear how things are going so please share in the comments box down below how God is moving in your life and in your marriage.
Has anyone else had a rough past few years? If like me, you have felt like the devil has been attacking you at every angle, and maybe he’s even found some new ones, we need to get our focus in the right direction and our priorities straight.
God should always be our number one priority. So how do we put that into action? First, are you in the word everyday? Are you praying consistently? Are we living holy lives? Wait, what?? Look I know I’m a good person but holy, well that’s a whole different story. Well, I have good and bad news for you. You are not a good person, nobody is. According to Paul in Romans 3:12, All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one. But I have the most wonderful news for all of you. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8.
Since our savior died for us, the very least we could do for him is attempt to live our lives as holy as possible. We should strive to imitate God so that we can be seen as different people by the world. Of course, we are different, we are children of the creator of the universe, and we are sons and daughters of a King. How cool is that?? So let’s start acting like the titles we have been given. If we make acting holy our first priority, all others will fall into place, and the thought of not behaving holy should put a reverential fear in all of us. Who wants to disappoint the Almighty? Not me, that’s for certain.
Ok, so let starting acting holy, ready, set, go! Well, you might be fine for the first five minutes of the day but what about after that? How am I supposed to act holy when I am surrounded by unholy people, living in a sinful and broken world? Let’s look to the Bible for God’s advice on the matter (his advice is always the best anyways). You have been called with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:1-3. Ok so we can try to be a little more patient with people, and definitely learn some humility, peace is always a good thing. These are all practical things that we can apply to our daily lives to help our love for Christ shine a little brighter.
We can and should not only use these traits with co-workers, strangers, and friends but what about our spouses? Yes, I went there. What if we were more patient with our spouse? Ok, that’s fine but mine doesn’t clean up after himself, he chews with his mouth open, and some days I feel like his mother. Well last time I checked, none of us wives have been perfect, at least I know, I’m not. Nobody is perfect but that doesn’t mean that we don’t extend a loving attitude, patience, and peace to our spouse. They should be the ones who get the most of these Godly attributes right? So for this week, let us try to live holy, God-honoring lives, focusing on our spouses. Let’s show the world, or at least our community, what the difference is between a marriage with God as the rock and solid foundation, compared to those that are lacking God.
Hi, My name is Lauren Studer and by trade I am a Family Nurse Practitioner. Day in and day out I see people hurting, people who are broken, and people who need help. I wanted to go above and beyond what I was already doing to care for other believers. Since Covid, I have also notice d a huge increase in the number of marriages that are suffering. Covid seemed to shine and magnifying glass on problems in marriages and what I thought to be once strong and happy marriages, were ending. I am creating this blog and developing other ministry ideas to help married couples grow closer to God, build stronger relationships, and also show women how to lead lives as Godly wives. Come on this journey with me, bring your friends, and lets see if we can make a difference in someone’s life.
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Please leave a comment below on some practical ways we can show Godly love to our spouses. Please be kind and gentle to others. You never know who is hurting or who may need some encouragement. And remember truth without love is brutality.
2 Lives, 1 Flesh 
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