Tag: relationship

Communication involves more than just the words that come out of your mouth, it also involves how well you listen to the other person. There is active listening and passive listening, and also the body language that you carry when you are listening says a lot to the other person about how you feel about what they are saying. To answer before listening— that is folly and shame. Proverbs 18:13. Often we can get more out of the conversation when we quit talking and start listening to the words our spouse is saying. Whenever possible you should stop what you’re doing and give your spouse your full attention. This communicates to them, that what they are saying to you, you value. Nobody wants to feel like they are talking to the wall. What about when your spouse comes to you with issues or a complaint and you are already mentally getting your defense ready? You aren’t really listening to the complaint, because you’re too focused on your next move. If you’re like me you are very guilty of this. I often think, I already know what he’s going to say so I don’t need to focus on it that much. We can have arguments with our spouses and have them not even be involved in the conversation because we already know how they would respond. Let me just remind you, and myself, that we should be praying for our spouses continually, and just because they have responded a certain way in the past, doesn’t mean that God isn’t working within him to change your marriage.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19-20. How are the conversations that you and your spouse having, displaying righteousness? For this week, we can at least focus on listening to what your spouse has to say. I mentioned earlier, active listening but what does that mean? Active listening requires being fully present in the conversation, putting away your cell phone, ignoring distractions, avoiding daydreaming, and shutting down your internal dialogue. Place your focus on your conversation partner and let everything else slip away. Focusing on your spouse’s non-verbal behaviors is just as important. Watch for body language such as folding arms, smiling, and facial expressions. Most importantly be patient while your spouse is talking. Allow the other person to speak without interruption and give them the time to say what they are thinking without having you try to finish their sentences for them. Sometimes the key to avoiding conflict is to do a better job of listening. It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel. Proverbs 20:3