Tag: mercy

Dealing With Sin

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There will always be some sort of sin in our marriage because we are sinful people, living in a sinful world. For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23. But everyone’s sin looks different. Some sin you wouldn’t even know is around because it is hidden so well, but no sin can be hidden from God. So the issue becomes not what to do or how to handle if your spouse sins against you, but WHEN your spouse sins against you. We don’t have a lot of control over everything in this world but we do have control over how we respond to different situations. When your spouse sins against you, whether he asks for forgiveness or not, you should graciously bestow forgiveness on him. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32. That is much easier said than done, you don’t know what he has done to me. True some sin can be life-shattering, but put it in the perspective of how you sinned against Christ. Your sins nailed Him to that cross. It was because of your sin that He was beaten, mocked, and betrayed. That is what your sin did to the King of Kings.

Now the bright side, is that we all feel utterly depressed now. The good news is you have been forgiven, wiped clean and since we have been forgiven of so much, we need to further extend that love and grace to our spouses. Remember the parable of the Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18:21-35. The story of a servant who was forgiven a massive debt, only to refuse forgiveness to another servant who owed a relatively small debt. That is what our debt against Jesus is like compared to our spouse’s sin against us. But since we also sin against our spouse and need forgiveness, we can start at the very beginning and try to get rid of the ways we sin. It all starts with controlling your sinful thoughts. Be aware when you are thinking thoughts that are selfish, vengeful, bitter, or in any way biblical. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Luke 6:45. So if your mouth is an overflow of your heart. Change what is in your heart. Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. 1 Timothy 4:7. If you focus on being more Godly and filling your mind with scripture and songs of praise to our Lord, that will become all you can think and talk about. So fill up on God’s word and watch your behavior and thinking change right before your eyes

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Our True Enemy

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Our true enemy we often think is our spouse, after all, he is the one constantly sinning against us. But why when our spouse sins against us, do we automatically become the judge, prosecutor, court recorder, and jury? We become self-righteous and could never imagine committing such a grievous sin ourselves. We begin to mentally assign a motive to the crime and leave no room for the defendant – our spouse – to plead his case before an unbiased jury. Have you ever said the words to your spouse, “I don’t deserve this” or “How could you think of doing such a thing?” I know I have. We immediately act as if never in a million years would I, miss self-righteousness, commit a sin so bad as that one. Our self-righteous attitudes and behaviors can become a cancer in our marriage and if not handled appropriately will lead to the death of a marriage. Jesus warns us about becoming self righteous. He tells us that to some who were confident of their righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Luke 18:9-14.

Even though we have all caught ourselves being self-righteous, the good news is that mercy triumphs over all. because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment. James 2:13. This is not only true for our relationship with our spouses but also our relationship with God. If you think your spouse sins against you frequently, think about how frequently you sin against God. God extends so much kindness and mercy to us, especially when we don’t deserve it, but He also uses our weaknesses to help grow and strengthen us in our Christian walks. Have you been thinking all along that we have been defending ourselves to you? We have been speaking in the sight of God as those in Christ; and everything we do, dear friends, is for your strengthening. 2 Corinthians 12:19. Let’s use God’s words and examples to help build up our spouse, encourage them in the way of the Lord, and strengthen them where they are weak. Grant mercy and forgiveness to your spouse just as God grants them to you. 

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Mercy

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God’s mercy includes His kindness, patience, and forgiveness towards us. Think of this, He knows everything we think, say, and do, and yet His mercy extends to us even when we don’t deserve it. So if God is merciful to us, even in our darkest of situations, we must think of how we are merciful to our spouses. Or what about the question, why show mercy to your spouse when you know it’s only a matter of time before he sins against you again? Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23. God’s love never runs out on us, nor does His forgiveness or mercy, therefore we should never run out of any of these for our spouse. Having these God-given attitudes towards our spouse tell them, I know you are a sinner like me, I know that you will sin against me, just as I will sin against you, but I refuse to live constantly on the defense. Instead, I am going to live from a place of mercy that your sin can not take away from me. It is easier to forgive and show mercy when you are already expecting to give those things out. Often we struggle the most with unexpected things. So why do we not expect our spouse to sin against us? Jesus is the only sinless one and we won’t be His bride until the end of the age, so get used to having a sinful spouse, just as he has dealt with his sinful spouse (you).

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:12-13. Kindness is a posture of the heart that flows out of our actions, this behavior in marriage causes us to be others-focused instead of self-focused. Sometimes it is easier to know our triggers from our spouse so hopefully, our buttons don’t get pushed as frequently. Discuss with your spouse what patterns of sin are causing consistent problems and arguments in our marriage. Then, discuss biblical ways of dealing with these problems, i.e. what would Jesus do in this situation. So the next time your spouse sins against you, because you know he will, you have an entire arsenal of appropriate responses to the particular situation. Forbearance is another expression of mercy that can cover both big and little sins. Forbearance however does not mean ignoring or hiding the sin, it means we choose to overlook the sin and wipe the slate clean, offering the same kind of grace of forgiveness that God gives us. Jesus gives us a variety of options for how to deal with sinful people, so when all else fails, open your bible and ask Jesus how to handle the sin/forgiveness issue.

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