Tag: god

Putting On Love

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It is common for women to get aggravated when things don’t go as planned, when life gets in the way, and the things we spent all this time planning how now gone up in smoke. But just because we feel aggravated or irritated, does not mean we have to act upon those emotions. The Bible tells us, about these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:14, but what does that really mean? How can you put on a feeling, especially when you are not “feeling it”? In the love versus that we commonly hear at weddings, we hear what love is and is not. Although I hate to admit it, most of the time, I am not measuring up to what love looks like. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Feeling impatient and frustrated can be a daily occurrence for a wife and mother. This can lead to angry and selfish thoughts. When we start to feel this way, having scripture in our hearts and on our minds will help combat these feelings, Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. Paul tells us to be thankful for everything. If he only knew what we had to deal with, right? Well, think of everything that he had to deal with. Paul was imprisoned many times for preaching the gospel and when he wrote these words to the people at Thessalonica, he was under harsh persecution from other religious leaders who did not want him there. Despite all the ways Paul was persecuted, beaten, and imprisoned, he still wrote the most beautiful words about love and all of its attributes. Paul also reminds us to show love through kindness. Not being kind in a family can be as contagious as a deadly virus. If your husband is feeling frustrated or angered about something, offer him help, or some way to ease his burden. If there is nothing you can do to help the situation, you can always pray for him and with him. Because Love is Kind! 

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Selfishness

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All people are naturally selfish. We all come into this world selfish. We start as newborns only concerned about our next meal and love from our mothers. As we grow into toddlers we have a hard time sharing anything, as teens we are self-absorbed. Coming into adulthood, unfortunately, we don’t learn how to shed those selfish ambitions. Our culture doesn’t help much with this either. When we hear, have some me time, and follow your heart. Never do we hear people ask about how we have had to compromise or make considerations for others. That’s just not the world that we live in, here in the USA. But this is not the way we are called to live. Jesus tells us to truly love someone, we need to put their needs ahead of our own and be self-sacrificing. Paul tells us, Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Phil 2: 3-4. If we love our husbands the way that we ought to, we should be willing to put our husbands first before ourselves. This does not mean that you don’t have a voice or an opinion, but rather when that line in the sand gets drawn, you need to cling to your husband and put his needs above your own.

Often women view loving someone as having romantic feelings about them and feeling those sparks every time you touch them. That is one kind of love but not the love that Jesus wants us to have for our spouses. That type of love is superficial and fleeting. Jesus died for us because He loved us so much. That is the kind of love we are expected to have with our spouses. Greater love has no one than this, that a person will lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13. I’m sure most of us love our kids in that way but who else can we add to that list? Would that list even include your spouse? If your husband is a believer, he is called to love you in the same way. This is why we are told to marry someone whom we are equally yoked with “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” 2 Corinthians 6:14-15. Paul is explaining that when one is “yoked” to a partner, this means that two people should equally share the burdens of life and the purpose of their calling in Christ to glorify God. Their work will be light even though there will still be toil because they will be striving to go in the same direction, joyfully burdened for Christ. Their burden will be light because their equal yoke will bring peace and rest. If you are a selfish person, being yoked together with your spouse will leave you feeling like a caged animal. Learning to comprise and find a middle ground will help you go through this life with a lot less weight around your neck.

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Creating a Godly Atmosphere at Home

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One of my biggest pet peeves is hearing someone say, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”. Eye-roll, wow that makes us sound like a bunch of mentally unstable tyrants, doesn’t it? It irritates me partially because it has some truth behind it, but also because it makes women sound so fragile with their emotional state, as well as unable to control their emotions. We are not all incapable of keeping a calm and cool demeanor, nor do we want people to walk on eggshells around us. But then there is that truth component, as wives and mothers we do set the tone of our house. If we are frequently upset about all the chores that don’t get done or are insulted every time the family doesn’t like dinner, that attitude comes across to everyone. One person’s bad mood is more contagious than Covid. The tone of our house should be one of joy, optimism, and delight in the Lord. Peter encourages us as wives and mothers to win our family over with our actions rather than our words. Wives, in the same way, be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without talk by the behavior of their wives.” 1 Peter 3:1. If our family sees us joyfully praising God, seeking His help through prayer and petition, and helping to direct your children in love and truth, they will not only develop respect for you, but they will grow up wanting to have those same qualities.

It is repeated in the bible over and over again that God wants us to praise Him with song. How many times do we walk around the house singing God’s praises? My lips will shout for joy when I sing praises to You; And my soul, which You have redeemed. Psalm 71:23. Are you shouting for joy at all the ways that God has blessed your life? Yeah, me neither, not nearly as much as I should. I’m sure if your kids came home and found you dancing and singing God’s praises, at first they would think you were weird, but then that joy would also creep into their hearts. Our kids are watching us and taking notes from the time they are small until the day we die. It’s one thing to tell them to pray, worship, act Godly, etc, but it’s another to actually act it out for them. Sometimes people don’t know what emotions look like. What does it look like to trust God, to love God, to seek God? Show them by your example, because they are watching you and imitating you. How do you want your kids to reflect your attitude?

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Insecurity

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In America, we have an extremely competitive culture. We are constantly measuring ourselves against others. Am I skinnier than her? Do we make more money than our friends? How many vacations can we afford to go on this year? Yes, we are always trying to one-up and outdo one another constantly. However, this drive for competitiveness can also be very damaging in our marriage. Many husbands have insecurities about not being a good enough provider for their families. After all that is their God-given role as head of the household. So if we are constantly pointing out to them how much bigger our friend’s house is or how many vacations they go, over time those comments start to chip away at your husband’s confidence in his role as provider. Remember that none of us are perfect, we are all flawed and we will all make mistakes. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8-9. Thankfully God loved us in spite of all of our flaws and we should extend the same love to our spouse. Help him embrace his weaknesses while also acknowledging the gifts God has given him to fulfill His purpose in your spouse’s life. The good news? Much like a destructive belief, a healed identity will spread into every area of your life and marriage. Imagine what your marriage would be like void of doubts, comparisons, and the dark cloud of inadequacy.

What if you are the one with the inadequacy issues? All my other friends are much prettier and thinner than I am, how do I deal with that? If you struggle with self-worth, begin your journey to relinquish your insecurities. You likely have negative thoughts like I’m not good enough. I’m such a failure. I’m fat. I’m worthless. These thoughts rob you of joy and damage your marriage. Thinking this way only devalues our relationship with God. We can all too easily forget that we are children of God, and God would never think those terrible things about his own children. And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.” 2 Corinthians 6:18. Everyone has an internal dialogue that no one else hears. If you rehearse and repeat thoughts that you’re not good enough, you’ll feel anxiety, anger, jealousy, or depression. Consider how destructive thoughts have affected your emotions, and think about how personal insecurities have trickled into your marriage. Imagine what your marriage would be like void of doubts, comparisons, and the dark cloud of inadequacy. Focus on complimenting your spouse for all the good he does. Focus on the good and not the bad.

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Hard to Love

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God is love. We, on the other hand, have to work at it. Sometimes it’s easy for us and sometimes it can be one of the most challenging things that we do. Sometimes loving someone can be hard to love because of their personality, maybe they are harsh, brazen, and love to argue. That can be like trying to hug a porcupine. Some people are warm and friendly and it seems like second nature to love them. So how do we respond to those porcupines in our lives? Love is a choice, my friends, it’s not always an emotion that we feel. So if love is a choice, we are all capable of loving our porcupines. If we are unable to love, the bible tells us that we don’t know God. Beloved, let’s love one another; for love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:7-8. Yikes that can be a hard pill to swallow. What if this difficult porcupine disguises himself from time to time as your spouse? You can’t just get rid of him, or avoid him like you may do with the other porcupines, so you must learn to love in those situations where loving is not easy. If you are lacking love in your marriage, you should not just focus on your marriage and your spouse, but on yourself and your relationship with God. 

If you think your spouse can be difficult to love at times, think of how bad we looked as Christ was dying on the cross for us. At that point in time we were at our most unlovable. We weren’t just porcupines, we were ticking time bombs wrapped in barbed wire. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God remains in us, and His love is perfected in us. 1 John 4:11-12. I don’t know about you but I want God to remain in me as much as possible. Some ways that we can love our spouse include being considerate and gentle with your spouse. We have very little control over how our spouse acts but we do have control over how we respond to him. Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. 1 Corinthians 13:4. How can we extend patience and kindness to our spouse? This week think of ways that you can focus on being patient and kind towards your spouse, especially when he doesn’t deserve it.

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A Wife’s Heart

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We have heard about the desires of our hearts. Delight yourself in the Lord, And He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 But we also know that our heart and our desires can be good, or they can be wicked. So how can we as wives make sure that our hearts of focused on the right things for the right reasons? If we have Godly desires but are unwilling to wait for the Lord’s timing, those desires can turn into idols for us. If you set your desires on obtaining that thing, more than a desire to glorify God, you have made that into an idol. Some sneaky idols can be, good health/physical appearance, children, a loving husband, success, etc. Even though these things seem harmless, you have your heart set on these things and then it doesn’t happen the way you expect it to, it causes frustration and anxiety. “The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9 

As wives, we can have certain expectations of our husbands to act a certain way. This desire is not necessarily a bad one, but the issues arise when we have no control over how our spouse behaves. So then when he fails to meet our expectations-and he will-then we end up disappointed, frustrated, and hurt. Instead of asking God for the desires of YOUR heart, ask Him for the desires of HIS heart. When we start diligently seeking what the Lord wants, your priorities will change from things that will leave you feeling empty and frustrated to things that will give your life purpose and meaning. Some desires just need a little tweaking from God while others, we need a major makeover. Either way, once those desires of your heart, line up with God’s heart, you will grow a more thankful attitude towards God and your spouse. Where do these things fall on our thoughts, our priorities throughout the day, and the control we think we have over them? Search me, God, and know my heart; Put me to the test and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there is any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way. Psalms 139:23-24.

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Relationships

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Our God is a very relational being. He walked with Adam in the cool of the day. He talked and ate with Abraham. He met Haggar in the desert, and of course, He made a way for us to have a relationship with Him through Jesus’ sacrifice. He not only wants a relationship with us, but there is also a relationship between Him, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, known as the Trinity. The Godhead relationship is a model for all of humanity. The Trinity relationship is an example of how a relationship can be in perfect harmony and unity. The Trinity relationship is also spelled out to us as an example of how God has designed marriage. You see marriage was not designed to be husband and wife, but husband, wife, and God (another Trinity) Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22. For the human Trinity to work there must be voluntary submission to each other along with open and honest communication. Within the God-head there are no secrets, no power struggles, and no selfish ambition. Just imagine what your marriage trinity would look like if you modeled it after the heavenly Trinity

To be perfected in unity, in our marriage, and with the Lord, we must not be seeking what is best for me but rather, how are we going to glorify God through our relationship? God doesn’t want us to live out our relationships our way. He wants us to do it His way, to spare ourselves as much hurt and heartache as possible. The more God-like our relationships evolve, the closer we also get to God, and that is what He wants more than anything, a relationship with us. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one – I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. John 17:22-23. Because our human nature is to take care of and protect ourselves, we have to fight that pull. We can fight that by being in God’s word every day, saturating our minds with Him. The Holy Spirit will convict you at your deepest level to motivate you in your relationship, to make it one that is glorifying to God and not to self. 

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Being a Fulfilled Wife

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How do you find joy and fulfillment in this world when there are so many troubles lurking around every corner? God gives us a wonderful list to follow, and if we choose to follow it, even though our circumstances may be difficult, we will have a sense of peace and joy that can only come from our heavenly Father. The first item on the list is to not let our minds and bodies be idle. We were created for work. She looks for wool and linen, And works with her hands in delight. Proverbs 31:13. When we are busy about the Lord’s work, or using the gifts that He has blessed us with, we will find our ultimate joy. Even in the Garden of Eden, God gave jobs to Adam and Eve. These jobs changed when sin entered the world and God said that we would toil for our work, but that still doesn’t mean work can’t be rewarding and fulfilling. Everyone’s work looks a little different, some are called to work outside the home, while others are called to work inside the home. No matter what your calling is, one thing is clear. Doing nothing is not acceptable.

The woman in Proverbs 31 wears many hats. As we see in verse 37, She watches over the activities of her household And does not eat the bread of idleness. She is watching over her children, making sure her family and her slaves are fed. She gets up before the sun to make breakfast for everyone, making sure that nobody goes hungry. We also see that she is an entrepreneur. She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies belts to the tradesmen. Proverbs 31:24. She is also into real estate. She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings, she plants a vineyard. Proverbs 31:16. This woman is just an example of the many different ways that we can use our God-given talents to either financially support our family, or support them in other ways like feeding and caring for them. In this life we will have work to do, and even in Heaven we will be given jobs, so let’s use our talents to the best of our abilities so that we can make sure that God is glorified through us, no matter what we do.

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Marriage Is For Holiness, Not Happiness

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When God created marriage, He didn’t do it to make us happy, He created it to make us Holy. As the Holy Spirit works in us, we too as a married couple are asked to be the hands that help cleanse one another of our hard hearts and sinful habits, to help prepare each other for when we will be the bride of Christ. Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. Luke 17:3. In marriage this can quickly turn into a slippery slope. We can find ourselves to be critical of behavior, speech, and emotion that our spouse has, and use it as ammunition to point out all their sinful ways. That line can get crossed when we start blurring what God calls sin and what we call sin. Some of us chew with our mouths open, and some of us have nervous habits, these may be bothersome to our spouse but that does not make them sinful. The other thing we have to remember is that Jesus called us to rebuke each other. That’s right, it’s a two-way street. So if you are not prepared to accept your sinful behavior, you better be extra careful in pointing out your spouses. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and look, the log is in your own eye? Matthew 7:3-4. If you are going to point out sinful behavior in your spouse, make sure to have examples ready along with bible verses to help support your view. This will help your spouse be more open to listening and hopefully turning from his/her sin.

Our role as a spouse is not only to be the sin police but to help build each other up. None of us can grow into the kind of Christian God wants us to be if we are constantly being beaten down by others, pointing out all of our flaws. There has to be some balance or correction and encouragement, both done in love. Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you also are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11. Paul knew how easy it was to stay focused on the negative and then be left with little encouragement to strive to be like God. In this way, we need to study and pay attention to our spouses. If they need correction, correct them. If they need to be reminded of God’s promises and love, remind them. And if they need encouragement, encourage them. Paul also reminds us in Ephesians, Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29. That means after a not-so-fun conversation with your spouse, ask them if your words were harsh and in the end, if they felt encouraged to go and sin no more.

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Financially One Flesh

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What are the top three things that couples argue about? Intimacy, children, and finances. This week we are going to dive into why finances can be so problematic for couples. We all know that when God designed marriage, He wanted us to become one flesh with our spouse, but have we considered he wants it to be that way with our finances as well? That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Gen. 2:24. You’ve heard the old saying what yours is mine and what is mine is yours? Well, that should be obvious in a marriage. So if you are one of those couples who has separate bank accounts and secret credit cards, you are violating what God had designed for marriage, and in the long run, will only end up causing arguments and strife. Being one flesh in your finances is easier said than done, actually, it’s almost impossible. The reason it’s so difficult is because we are first of all both sinners in this marriage, and secondly, we were raised differently than our spouse, where what one family might find important in regards to spending and saving, another may not. But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today. Deut. 8:18. Most financial issues can be solved when both partners apply biblical principles to their finances. As Deuteronomy reminds us, it is not our ability that we can make money, it is that God has given us these talents and abilities. All of the money that we earn is because He allowed us to, making it then, His money.

To help implement biblical principles for money, it is important to sit down with your spouse and go over how much money is coming in versus how much is being spent on bills and other expenses. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:38. It is biblical to pay all of our bills and avoid excessive debt but Jesus also wanted us to be generous to others in need. The way we handle our money is extremely important in our Christian walk. Jesus talked more about money and finances than any other subject. Our plans for money must be made prayerfully and judiciously. Once you and your spouse form a plan that is God-honoring, submit it to Him and be willing to adjust in the ways that the Lord prompts you. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. James 4:15-17.

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