Tag: christianity

The Non-Believing Husband

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What about those of us who are not married to believing husbands? Do we still have to submit to them? So many good practical questions, because let’s face it, we are not all married to the ideal man. The one who is a strong Christian, leading his family. Sometimes our husbands are still in that growing process and that’s ok, we just need to help and support them through it. When we turn to our bibles for the answers to some of these hard questions, Peter makes it pretty clear how wives are to behave. In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won over without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your pure and respectful behavior. 1 Peter 3:1-2. The phrase disobedient to the word is another way of saying unbeliever. It is still the wife’s responsibility to live a Godly life and respond to her husband with love and respect. She should not expect him to think or act like a Christian, because he is not. Instead, she is to love, respect, and godly behavior in the hopes of softening his heart and winning him over to the Lord by her actions, not by her words. Even though the husband has God-given authority over his wife, she is only to obey him if what he is asking does not contradict God’s word. But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men. Acts 5:29. Some examples of this are: Don’t correct me, don’t point out my sins, don’t go to church, or don’t teach the children about God. These are clear and obvious examples of when the wife is to submit to the Lord rather than her husband.

Peter reminds us, it is our pure and respectful behavior that will win our unbelieving spouses to the Lord, not our nagging, crying, or pouting. Our first obligation is to love the Lord with all our hearts. He is our father and He should always remain in first place in our lives. Jesus answered and said to him, “If anyone loves Me, he will follow My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our dwelling with him. John 14:23. Most people find God-honoring qualities to be attractive in a mate. Think about what Paul says in the letter to the Corinthians. It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. 1 Corinthians 13:5-6. What spouse is not going to love the fact that you don’t keep a record of everything he has messed up on? Ultimately you are to be a shining light for God and be an example to him so that he wants to become a Christian. So even if you have an unbelieving spouse, you are still to obey him as long as what he is asking you to do, does not make you sin against God. God should always be your first love.

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Respect

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to mean. What Aretha failed to mention is finding out what it looks like for a wife to be respectful of her husband. Respect needs to be a two-way street but it starts with the wife. Being disrespectful first started in the garden and look how well that has turned out for all mankind. Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33. Respecting your husband is not an option. If you wish to follow the will of God then it is something that must be done. The Greek word for respect is phobeo, when translated to English it means to be in awe of or to give special treatment. When was the last time you were in awe of your husband? Your husband has been given authority over your family, to lead and guide them down the right path, the path that God has set before him. As a respectful wife, we not only have to be respectful on the outside but also have a heart and attitude that matches. Being respectful does not mean you can’t have your own opinion or concerns. What it does mean is at the end of the day, what your husband has decided will be and you are to loving and respectfully follow his lead. He should not have to drag you kicking and screaming, nor should you go running off to your friends telling everyone how much you hate this new decision and wish things could go back to the way they were

A disrespectful wife is not always easy to spot. Sure we understand to not make fun of or criticize especially around others, but being respectful is more encompassing than that. Disrespect can also come in the forms of being short with your husband, irritable, or impatient. And let’s not forget that look that we give him that says, “Say or do one more thing, I dare you.” Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29. So now that 100% of us have sinned against God and been disrespectful to our spouses, we should probably look at some more encouraging things like what being respectful looks like. Be especially cautious with your words, tone of voice, and body language towards your spouse. If you need help in that area, as we all do, ask your husband to point out these areas to you, in a loving manner of course. Do not preach to your husband when he makes a mistake, instead pray for him. Don’t delight in his failures or shortcomings, instead grieve with him that things did not turn out the way he had hoped. Remember your husband is trying his best to lead his family in a way that is honoring to God. You scolding him or rejoicing in his failures only puts a wedge between you and him. Be encouraging to your spouse, build him up whenever possible, and remember how many times you fail and how God does not rejoice or say I told you so when that does happen. 

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Putting On Love

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It is common for women to get aggravated when things don’t go as planned, when life gets in the way, and the things we spent all this time planning how now gone up in smoke. But just because we feel aggravated or irritated, does not mean we have to act upon those emotions. The Bible tells us, about these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:14, but what does that really mean? How can you put on a feeling, especially when you are not “feeling it”? In the love versus that we commonly hear at weddings, we hear what love is and is not. Although I hate to admit it, most of the time, I am not measuring up to what love looks like. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Feeling impatient and frustrated can be a daily occurrence for a wife and mother. This can lead to angry and selfish thoughts. When we start to feel this way, having scripture in our hearts and on our minds will help combat these feelings, Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. Paul tells us to be thankful for everything. If he only knew what we had to deal with, right? Well, think of everything that he had to deal with. Paul was imprisoned many times for preaching the gospel and when he wrote these words to the people at Thessalonica, he was under harsh persecution from other religious leaders who did not want him there. Despite all the ways Paul was persecuted, beaten, and imprisoned, he still wrote the most beautiful words about love and all of its attributes. Paul also reminds us to show love through kindness. Not being kind in a family can be as contagious as a deadly virus. If your husband is feeling frustrated or angered about something, offer him help, or some way to ease his burden. If there is nothing you can do to help the situation, you can always pray for him and with him. Because Love is Kind! 

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Selfishness

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All people are naturally selfish. We all come into this world selfish. We start as newborns only concerned about our next meal and love from our mothers. As we grow into toddlers we have a hard time sharing anything, as teens we are self-absorbed. Coming into adulthood, unfortunately, we don’t learn how to shed those selfish ambitions. Our culture doesn’t help much with this either. When we hear, have some me time, and follow your heart. Never do we hear people ask about how we have had to compromise or make considerations for others. That’s just not the world that we live in, here in the USA. But this is not the way we are called to live. Jesus tells us to truly love someone, we need to put their needs ahead of our own and be self-sacrificing. Paul tells us, Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Phil 2: 3-4. If we love our husbands the way that we ought to, we should be willing to put our husbands first before ourselves. This does not mean that you don’t have a voice or an opinion, but rather when that line in the sand gets drawn, you need to cling to your husband and put his needs above your own.

Often women view loving someone as having romantic feelings about them and feeling those sparks every time you touch them. That is one kind of love but not the love that Jesus wants us to have for our spouses. That type of love is superficial and fleeting. Jesus died for us because He loved us so much. That is the kind of love we are expected to have with our spouses. Greater love has no one than this, that a person will lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13. I’m sure most of us love our kids in that way but who else can we add to that list? Would that list even include your spouse? If your husband is a believer, he is called to love you in the same way. This is why we are told to marry someone whom we are equally yoked with “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” 2 Corinthians 6:14-15. Paul is explaining that when one is “yoked” to a partner, this means that two people should equally share the burdens of life and the purpose of their calling in Christ to glorify God. Their work will be light even though there will still be toil because they will be striving to go in the same direction, joyfully burdened for Christ. Their burden will be light because their equal yoke will bring peace and rest. If you are a selfish person, being yoked together with your spouse will leave you feeling like a caged animal. Learning to comprise and find a middle ground will help you go through this life with a lot less weight around your neck.

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A Wife’s Heart

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We have heard about the desires of our hearts. Delight yourself in the Lord, And He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 But we also know that our heart and our desires can be good, or they can be wicked. So how can we as wives make sure that our hearts of focused on the right things for the right reasons? If we have Godly desires but are unwilling to wait for the Lord’s timing, those desires can turn into idols for us. If you set your desires on obtaining that thing, more than a desire to glorify God, you have made that into an idol. Some sneaky idols can be, good health/physical appearance, children, a loving husband, success, etc. Even though these things seem harmless, you have your heart set on these things and then it doesn’t happen the way you expect it to, it causes frustration and anxiety. “The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9 

As wives, we can have certain expectations of our husbands to act a certain way. This desire is not necessarily a bad one, but the issues arise when we have no control over how our spouse behaves. So then when he fails to meet our expectations-and he will-then we end up disappointed, frustrated, and hurt. Instead of asking God for the desires of YOUR heart, ask Him for the desires of HIS heart. When we start diligently seeking what the Lord wants, your priorities will change from things that will leave you feeling empty and frustrated to things that will give your life purpose and meaning. Some desires just need a little tweaking from God while others, we need a major makeover. Either way, once those desires of your heart, line up with God’s heart, you will grow a more thankful attitude towards God and your spouse. Where do these things fall on our thoughts, our priorities throughout the day, and the control we think we have over them? Search me, God, and know my heart; Put me to the test and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there is any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way. Psalms 139:23-24.

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We Need Protection

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God is perfect and in his perfect creation of marriage, he put man in charge of his wife. Paul lays that out for us in 1 Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. But don’t worry ladies, no husband has absolute authority over his wife. For example, if your husband asks you to sin, you are not obligated to obey him. You are obligated to obey God first. God put you completely under His law for your protection. Our spouses are only human just like us. They are sinful and they make mistakes. Some husbands are not even believers so their judgment on following God’s word may not always hit the mark, even though they may have the best of intentions. This is why God is our ultimate authority because He is perfect and pure. When we get saved, we go through a process called sanctification, this is where the holy spirit helps mold us into more Christ-like people. Ultimately God wants it so when other people look at us, they see God. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. Romans 8:29

The order of authority is very clear to us throughout scripture but sometimes I wonder why we need the order. Not only is God perfect in His creation but he is also perfect in why He wants things done a certain way. As women, we can be more vulnerable to the lies that this world hurls our way. Finally, be strong in the Lord and the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. Ephesians 6:10-11. The devil is constantly throwing lies our way to see which one of them we will believe and then fall away from God. If you have witnessed some of the deceitful ways the Devil tries to scheme against us, you might want to open your eyes because they are everywhere. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8. If the devil is constantly prowling around looking for someone to devour, we can safely assume it is the weaker of us, the women and children. So ladies let your husband protect you, seek his advice and his wisdom but above all, test what your husband says and does against the word of God. God is our ultimate protector.

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Marriage Is For Holiness, Not Happiness

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When God created marriage, He didn’t do it to make us happy, He created it to make us Holy. As the Holy Spirit works in us, we too as a married couple are asked to be the hands that help cleanse one another of our hard hearts and sinful habits, to help prepare each other for when we will be the bride of Christ. Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. Luke 17:3. In marriage this can quickly turn into a slippery slope. We can find ourselves to be critical of behavior, speech, and emotion that our spouse has, and use it as ammunition to point out all their sinful ways. That line can get crossed when we start blurring what God calls sin and what we call sin. Some of us chew with our mouths open, and some of us have nervous habits, these may be bothersome to our spouse but that does not make them sinful. The other thing we have to remember is that Jesus called us to rebuke each other. That’s right, it’s a two-way street. So if you are not prepared to accept your sinful behavior, you better be extra careful in pointing out your spouses. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and look, the log is in your own eye? Matthew 7:3-4. If you are going to point out sinful behavior in your spouse, make sure to have examples ready along with bible verses to help support your view. This will help your spouse be more open to listening and hopefully turning from his/her sin.

Our role as a spouse is not only to be the sin police but to help build each other up. None of us can grow into the kind of Christian God wants us to be if we are constantly being beaten down by others, pointing out all of our flaws. There has to be some balance or correction and encouragement, both done in love. Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you also are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11. Paul knew how easy it was to stay focused on the negative and then be left with little encouragement to strive to be like God. In this way, we need to study and pay attention to our spouses. If they need correction, correct them. If they need to be reminded of God’s promises and love, remind them. And if they need encouragement, encourage them. Paul also reminds us in Ephesians, Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29. That means after a not-so-fun conversation with your spouse, ask them if your words were harsh and in the end, if they felt encouraged to go and sin no more.

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A Wife’s Responsibilities

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Most couples enter into marriage with huge expectations of one another and the marriage itself. Some think that once you get married, love conquers all, and as long as you still love each other, everything will be just fine. That however is a bunch of lies sold to us by Hollywood. Marriage can be difficult but if we follow God’s rule book, we will find it to be easier than we anticipated. One of the most important rules God has for the wife is to submit to her husband. I know the women of today cringe when they hear the word submit, but let’s talk about what that means and doesn’t mean. Submission does not mean that the wife becomes a slave, it doesn’t mean that she is not allowed an opinion and it doesn’t mean that she becomes inferior to her husband. What submission looks like in a marriage, it is the wife’s responsibility to control her submission, not her husband’s, it is her responsibility to submit because God says it’s mandatory for her, and it involves her attitude as well as her actions. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Ephesians 5:22-23. God gives us rules to follow not only in marriage but also in our relationship with Him. The husband is responsible for his family and while the wife is to be submissive to him, he is to be submissive to God. To go against your husband is to go against God.

Another main role for the wife is for her primary ministry to be her husband. As we look back to the garden we see that God created woman FOR man. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. Genesis 2:21-22. Adam needed a helper and Eve was specifically created for that reason. If wives aren’t there to encourage their husbands and help them stay on track with the Lord, who else will? Wives and husbands are also a team, so it benefits nobody if the two are constantly working against each other. Don’t let the devil get an inch of space in between you and your spouse.

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