Tag: bible

Dealing With Sin

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There will always be some sort of sin in our marriage because we are sinful people, living in a sinful world. For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23. But everyone’s sin looks different. Some sin you wouldn’t even know is around because it is hidden so well, but no sin can be hidden from God. So the issue becomes not what to do or how to handle if your spouse sins against you, but WHEN your spouse sins against you. We don’t have a lot of control over everything in this world but we do have control over how we respond to different situations. When your spouse sins against you, whether he asks for forgiveness or not, you should graciously bestow forgiveness on him. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32. That is much easier said than done, you don’t know what he has done to me. True some sin can be life-shattering, but put it in the perspective of how you sinned against Christ. Your sins nailed Him to that cross. It was because of your sin that He was beaten, mocked, and betrayed. That is what your sin did to the King of Kings.

Now the bright side, is that we all feel utterly depressed now. The good news is you have been forgiven, wiped clean and since we have been forgiven of so much, we need to further extend that love and grace to our spouses. Remember the parable of the Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18:21-35. The story of a servant who was forgiven a massive debt, only to refuse forgiveness to another servant who owed a relatively small debt. That is what our debt against Jesus is like compared to our spouse’s sin against us. But since we also sin against our spouse and need forgiveness, we can start at the very beginning and try to get rid of the ways we sin. It all starts with controlling your sinful thoughts. Be aware when you are thinking thoughts that are selfish, vengeful, bitter, or in any way biblical. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Luke 6:45. So if your mouth is an overflow of your heart. Change what is in your heart. Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. 1 Timothy 4:7. If you focus on being more Godly and filling your mind with scripture and songs of praise to our Lord, that will become all you can think and talk about. So fill up on God’s word and watch your behavior and thinking change right before your eyes

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We Need Protection

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God is perfect and in his perfect creation of marriage, he put man in charge of his wife. Paul lays that out for us in 1 Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. But don’t worry ladies, no husband has absolute authority over his wife. For example, if your husband asks you to sin, you are not obligated to obey him. You are obligated to obey God first. God put you completely under His law for your protection. Our spouses are only human just like us. They are sinful and they make mistakes. Some husbands are not even believers so their judgment on following God’s word may not always hit the mark, even though they may have the best of intentions. This is why God is our ultimate authority because He is perfect and pure. When we get saved, we go through a process called sanctification, this is where the holy spirit helps mold us into more Christ-like people. Ultimately God wants it so when other people look at us, they see God. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. Romans 8:29

The order of authority is very clear to us throughout scripture but sometimes I wonder why we need the order. Not only is God perfect in His creation but he is also perfect in why He wants things done a certain way. As women, we can be more vulnerable to the lies that this world hurls our way. Finally, be strong in the Lord and the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. Ephesians 6:10-11. The devil is constantly throwing lies our way to see which one of them we will believe and then fall away from God. If you have witnessed some of the deceitful ways the Devil tries to scheme against us, you might want to open your eyes because they are everywhere. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8. If the devil is constantly prowling around looking for someone to devour, we can safely assume it is the weaker of us, the women and children. So ladies let your husband protect you, seek his advice and his wisdom but above all, test what your husband says and does against the word of God. God is our ultimate protector.

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Being a Fulfilled Wife

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How do you find joy and fulfillment in this world when there are so many troubles lurking around every corner? God gives us a wonderful list to follow, and if we choose to follow it, even though our circumstances may be difficult, we will have a sense of peace and joy that can only come from our heavenly Father. The first item on the list is to not let our minds and bodies be idle. We were created for work. She looks for wool and linen, And works with her hands in delight. Proverbs 31:13. When we are busy about the Lord’s work, or using the gifts that He has blessed us with, we will find our ultimate joy. Even in the Garden of Eden, God gave jobs to Adam and Eve. These jobs changed when sin entered the world and God said that we would toil for our work, but that still doesn’t mean work can’t be rewarding and fulfilling. Everyone’s work looks a little different, some are called to work outside the home, while others are called to work inside the home. No matter what your calling is, one thing is clear. Doing nothing is not acceptable.

The woman in Proverbs 31 wears many hats. As we see in verse 37, She watches over the activities of her household And does not eat the bread of idleness. She is watching over her children, making sure her family and her slaves are fed. She gets up before the sun to make breakfast for everyone, making sure that nobody goes hungry. We also see that she is an entrepreneur. She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies belts to the tradesmen. Proverbs 31:24. She is also into real estate. She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings, she plants a vineyard. Proverbs 31:16. This woman is just an example of the many different ways that we can use our God-given talents to either financially support our family, or support them in other ways like feeding and caring for them. In this life we will have work to do, and even in Heaven we will be given jobs, so let’s use our talents to the best of our abilities so that we can make sure that God is glorified through us, no matter what we do.

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Marriage Is For Holiness, Not Happiness

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When God created marriage, He didn’t do it to make us happy, He created it to make us Holy. As the Holy Spirit works in us, we too as a married couple are asked to be the hands that help cleanse one another of our hard hearts and sinful habits, to help prepare each other for when we will be the bride of Christ. Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. Luke 17:3. In marriage this can quickly turn into a slippery slope. We can find ourselves to be critical of behavior, speech, and emotion that our spouse has, and use it as ammunition to point out all their sinful ways. That line can get crossed when we start blurring what God calls sin and what we call sin. Some of us chew with our mouths open, and some of us have nervous habits, these may be bothersome to our spouse but that does not make them sinful. The other thing we have to remember is that Jesus called us to rebuke each other. That’s right, it’s a two-way street. So if you are not prepared to accept your sinful behavior, you better be extra careful in pointing out your spouses. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and look, the log is in your own eye? Matthew 7:3-4. If you are going to point out sinful behavior in your spouse, make sure to have examples ready along with bible verses to help support your view. This will help your spouse be more open to listening and hopefully turning from his/her sin.

Our role as a spouse is not only to be the sin police but to help build each other up. None of us can grow into the kind of Christian God wants us to be if we are constantly being beaten down by others, pointing out all of our flaws. There has to be some balance or correction and encouragement, both done in love. Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you also are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11. Paul knew how easy it was to stay focused on the negative and then be left with little encouragement to strive to be like God. In this way, we need to study and pay attention to our spouses. If they need correction, correct them. If they need to be reminded of God’s promises and love, remind them. And if they need encouragement, encourage them. Paul also reminds us in Ephesians, Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29. That means after a not-so-fun conversation with your spouse, ask them if your words were harsh and in the end, if they felt encouraged to go and sin no more.

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Children

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It doesn’t seem to matter whether you have children or not, the fact is they can either become one of the greatest unifying factors in your marriage, or they can make it the biggest area of conflict. For the people without children, many arguments come from when and how many to have, how to raise them, or why God has not allowed them to conceive yet. And these are just the arguments before children are even a reality. Then having children brings a whole new set of things to argue about. When children are born into this world, parents should ask themselves a few key questions. First, what are our goals for this child? Second, what are our responsibilities for this child? Third, how should we raise this child? Thankfully we have the answer to all these questions found in our bibles. God, the greatest father of all, tells us exactly how to raise our children, and what is important to Him. One of the most comprehensive verses on raising children comes to us from Ephesians 6:4, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Teach them about God, and discipline them as God instructs. Easy enough right?…

We don’t get very far into the Old Testament before we find instructions for children. “Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be prolonged on the land which the Lord your God gives you. Exodus 20:12. This commandment is number five on the list right after how we honor and worship God, so I think it’s safe to say, this is a pretty important one in God’s eyes. Also, notice that God instructs children to honor your father AND mother. He wants the mothers to be respected as well because children are typically with their mothers more than their fathers. At the end of the day, mothers typically have more opportunities to influence and instruct their children. Think about some Godly mothers of the bible. Hannah had a direct influence on the life of Samuel. What about the influence of Lois and Eunice in the life of Timothy? Even though mothers play a big role in the raising and influencing of the children, this does not give fathers to right to transfer authority to the wife. As we see in 1 Timothy, husbands and fathers play a critical role within the family dynamics. The husband of one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, skillful in teaching, not overindulging in wine, not a bully, but gentle, not contentious, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity. 1 Timothy 3:2-4. When we become parents, we take on a huge responsibility to our children and to God. This job can’t be satisfied by only one parent, but rather both need to be active participants. So take your job seriously and turn to the Lord for guidance.

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Financially One Flesh

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What are the top three things that couples argue about? Intimacy, children, and finances. This week we are going to dive into why finances can be so problematic for couples. We all know that when God designed marriage, He wanted us to become one flesh with our spouse, but have we considered he wants it to be that way with our finances as well? That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Gen. 2:24. You’ve heard the old saying what yours is mine and what is mine is yours? Well, that should be obvious in a marriage. So if you are one of those couples who has separate bank accounts and secret credit cards, you are violating what God had designed for marriage, and in the long run, will only end up causing arguments and strife. Being one flesh in your finances is easier said than done, actually, it’s almost impossible. The reason it’s so difficult is because we are first of all both sinners in this marriage, and secondly, we were raised differently than our spouse, where what one family might find important in regards to spending and saving, another may not. But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today. Deut. 8:18. Most financial issues can be solved when both partners apply biblical principles to their finances. As Deuteronomy reminds us, it is not our ability that we can make money, it is that God has given us these talents and abilities. All of the money that we earn is because He allowed us to, making it then, His money.

To help implement biblical principles for money, it is important to sit down with your spouse and go over how much money is coming in versus how much is being spent on bills and other expenses. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:38. It is biblical to pay all of our bills and avoid excessive debt but Jesus also wanted us to be generous to others in need. The way we handle our money is extremely important in our Christian walk. Jesus talked more about money and finances than any other subject. Our plans for money must be made prayerfully and judiciously. Once you and your spouse form a plan that is God-honoring, submit it to Him and be willing to adjust in the ways that the Lord prompts you. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. James 4:15-17.

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A Wife’s Responsibilities

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Most couples enter into marriage with huge expectations of one another and the marriage itself. Some think that once you get married, love conquers all, and as long as you still love each other, everything will be just fine. That however is a bunch of lies sold to us by Hollywood. Marriage can be difficult but if we follow God’s rule book, we will find it to be easier than we anticipated. One of the most important rules God has for the wife is to submit to her husband. I know the women of today cringe when they hear the word submit, but let’s talk about what that means and doesn’t mean. Submission does not mean that the wife becomes a slave, it doesn’t mean that she is not allowed an opinion and it doesn’t mean that she becomes inferior to her husband. What submission looks like in a marriage, it is the wife’s responsibility to control her submission, not her husband’s, it is her responsibility to submit because God says it’s mandatory for her, and it involves her attitude as well as her actions. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Ephesians 5:22-23. God gives us rules to follow not only in marriage but also in our relationship with Him. The husband is responsible for his family and while the wife is to be submissive to him, he is to be submissive to God. To go against your husband is to go against God.

Another main role for the wife is for her primary ministry to be her husband. As we look back to the garden we see that God created woman FOR man. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. Genesis 2:21-22. Adam needed a helper and Eve was specifically created for that reason. If wives aren’t there to encourage their husbands and help them stay on track with the Lord, who else will? Wives and husbands are also a team, so it benefits nobody if the two are constantly working against each other. Don’t let the devil get an inch of space in between you and your spouse.

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The Betrayal of Sin

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As we talked about last week, we are born sinners and even when we want to do good, our sin nature always comes creeping back into our lives. But if we know that sin is bad and we want to live God-honoring lives, why do we keep letting sin back in? Sin is very sneaking, it’s alluring and it seems harmless at the time. We don’t go walking into a situation knowing all the consequences, we think everything will be fine and there will be no pain or destruction. Sin comes from Satan and he is crafty, deceitful and most of all wants us separated from God. Satan uses lies that tickle our ears and excite our flesh to convince us the sin he is dangling in our faces will not hurt us or anyone else whom we love. Jesus warns us about Satan when he says in John 8:44, You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Jesus is very straightforward about the devil because he is dangerous. Jesus warns us about the devil because He wants us to know how to stand guard against him, how to protect ourselves, and how to recognize a sinful temptation before it becomes a problem. Sin and all of its temptations can enter our marriages in the form of lusting after another man, coveting what our neighbor has, that we don’t, or being hard-hearted and choosing not to forgive.

Even though we battle sin every day in our relationships with our spouses, we must remember that the war has already been won. What would our battles look like if we fought from a place of victory rather than constantly feeling defeated? “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33. Jesus wants us to have peace, not to try to fight a battle that has already been won. We don’t want to focus our time and energy on that when we should be focusing our time and energy on spreading the gospel and looking more like Christ every day. Your enemy is not your spouse. Think of your spouse as a part of your platoon. Don’t injure your fellow soldiers with friendly fire, stay focused and keep your eyes on your real enemy, the Devil, and his schemes. We can help stay focused by staying in God’s word, remembering His promises to us, and testing the things that we see and hear. God loves you and wants to protect you from sin and its harmful consequences. Seek Him, listen to Him, and obey Him.

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