Tag: bible

Overcoming

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All of us at some point in time have been wronged by our spouse. Maybe his sins have been minor but there are a lot of them or maybe he has just committed one big terrible sin. Either way, it doesn’t matter, Paul tells us in Romans 12:21, Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. It is the responsibility of the Godly wife to respond in a manner that reflects the right attitude and the right action. She is to continue this model of behavior until the battle with her spouse is over. Some conflicts may only take an hour or two to resolve while others could take years. Some of us may never see a resolution this side of heaven, but we are still obligated to respond in the right way. It is easy when we are wronged to plot how to get him back or dwell on all the ways that he has let you down, but we were not called for easy, we are called for obedience. Holding a grudge or keeping track of all his wrong doings, will not help your relationship with your spouse. In fact, it will only drive a wedge further and further between you. God not only wants your marriage relationship to be close with one another but He also wants you to have a close relationship with Him. When a wedge grows between you and your spouse, it will inevitably grow bigger between you and God.

God doesn’t ask us to work miracles with our spouse, He just asks for our obedience to Him. Obedience to God is intentionally praying for your spouse, for his healing, and for his discernment. It also involves speaking to him with kind and loving words. Treat people the same way you want them to treat you. Luke 6: 31. When was the last time you found ways to bless your husband? Believe me, it can be hard to do when you are bitter and hurting, but blessing your husband with kindness is one of the best ways to show God’s love to Him. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8. We were the worst kind of sinner to God and Jesus still died on the cross for us. I’m sure no matter what your husband has done to you, it is not worse than the ways we have sinned against God. When we pray for our spouse and ask for God’s blessing upon him, that also helps to soften our hearts towards him. So the next time your husband sins against you, remember there are two hearts that need healed, his for hurting you, and you for learning to forgive.

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The Non-Believing Husband

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What about those of us who are not married to believing husbands? Do we still have to submit to them? So many good practical questions, because let’s face it, we are not all married to the ideal man. The one who is a strong Christian, leading his family. Sometimes our husbands are still in that growing process and that’s ok, we just need to help and support them through it. When we turn to our bibles for the answers to some of these hard questions, Peter makes it pretty clear how wives are to behave. In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won over without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your pure and respectful behavior. 1 Peter 3:1-2. The phrase disobedient to the word is another way of saying unbeliever. It is still the wife’s responsibility to live a Godly life and respond to her husband with love and respect. She should not expect him to think or act like a Christian, because he is not. Instead, she is to love, respect, and godly behavior in the hopes of softening his heart and winning him over to the Lord by her actions, not by her words. Even though the husband has God-given authority over his wife, she is only to obey him if what he is asking does not contradict God’s word. But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men. Acts 5:29. Some examples of this are: Don’t correct me, don’t point out my sins, don’t go to church, or don’t teach the children about God. These are clear and obvious examples of when the wife is to submit to the Lord rather than her husband.

Peter reminds us, it is our pure and respectful behavior that will win our unbelieving spouses to the Lord, not our nagging, crying, or pouting. Our first obligation is to love the Lord with all our hearts. He is our father and He should always remain in first place in our lives. Jesus answered and said to him, “If anyone loves Me, he will follow My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our dwelling with him. John 14:23. Most people find God-honoring qualities to be attractive in a mate. Think about what Paul says in the letter to the Corinthians. It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. 1 Corinthians 13:5-6. What spouse is not going to love the fact that you don’t keep a record of everything he has messed up on? Ultimately you are to be a shining light for God and be an example to him so that he wants to become a Christian. So even if you have an unbelieving spouse, you are still to obey him as long as what he is asking you to do, does not make you sin against God. God should always be your first love.

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Respect

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to mean. What Aretha failed to mention is finding out what it looks like for a wife to be respectful of her husband. Respect needs to be a two-way street but it starts with the wife. Being disrespectful first started in the garden and look how well that has turned out for all mankind. Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33. Respecting your husband is not an option. If you wish to follow the will of God then it is something that must be done. The Greek word for respect is phobeo, when translated to English it means to be in awe of or to give special treatment. When was the last time you were in awe of your husband? Your husband has been given authority over your family, to lead and guide them down the right path, the path that God has set before him. As a respectful wife, we not only have to be respectful on the outside but also have a heart and attitude that matches. Being respectful does not mean you can’t have your own opinion or concerns. What it does mean is at the end of the day, what your husband has decided will be and you are to loving and respectfully follow his lead. He should not have to drag you kicking and screaming, nor should you go running off to your friends telling everyone how much you hate this new decision and wish things could go back to the way they were

A disrespectful wife is not always easy to spot. Sure we understand to not make fun of or criticize especially around others, but being respectful is more encompassing than that. Disrespect can also come in the forms of being short with your husband, irritable, or impatient. And let’s not forget that look that we give him that says, “Say or do one more thing, I dare you.” Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29. So now that 100% of us have sinned against God and been disrespectful to our spouses, we should probably look at some more encouraging things like what being respectful looks like. Be especially cautious with your words, tone of voice, and body language towards your spouse. If you need help in that area, as we all do, ask your husband to point out these areas to you, in a loving manner of course. Do not preach to your husband when he makes a mistake, instead pray for him. Don’t delight in his failures or shortcomings, instead grieve with him that things did not turn out the way he had hoped. Remember your husband is trying his best to lead his family in a way that is honoring to God. You scolding him or rejoicing in his failures only puts a wedge between you and him. Be encouraging to your spouse, build him up whenever possible, and remember how many times you fail and how God does not rejoice or say I told you so when that does happen. 

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Putting On Love

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It is common for women to get aggravated when things don’t go as planned, when life gets in the way, and the things we spent all this time planning how now gone up in smoke. But just because we feel aggravated or irritated, does not mean we have to act upon those emotions. The Bible tells us, about these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:14, but what does that really mean? How can you put on a feeling, especially when you are not “feeling it”? In the love versus that we commonly hear at weddings, we hear what love is and is not. Although I hate to admit it, most of the time, I am not measuring up to what love looks like. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Feeling impatient and frustrated can be a daily occurrence for a wife and mother. This can lead to angry and selfish thoughts. When we start to feel this way, having scripture in our hearts and on our minds will help combat these feelings, Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. Paul tells us to be thankful for everything. If he only knew what we had to deal with, right? Well, think of everything that he had to deal with. Paul was imprisoned many times for preaching the gospel and when he wrote these words to the people at Thessalonica, he was under harsh persecution from other religious leaders who did not want him there. Despite all the ways Paul was persecuted, beaten, and imprisoned, he still wrote the most beautiful words about love and all of its attributes. Paul also reminds us to show love through kindness. Not being kind in a family can be as contagious as a deadly virus. If your husband is feeling frustrated or angered about something, offer him help, or some way to ease his burden. If there is nothing you can do to help the situation, you can always pray for him and with him. Because Love is Kind! 

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Selfishness

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All people are naturally selfish. We all come into this world selfish. We start as newborns only concerned about our next meal and love from our mothers. As we grow into toddlers we have a hard time sharing anything, as teens we are self-absorbed. Coming into adulthood, unfortunately, we don’t learn how to shed those selfish ambitions. Our culture doesn’t help much with this either. When we hear, have some me time, and follow your heart. Never do we hear people ask about how we have had to compromise or make considerations for others. That’s just not the world that we live in, here in the USA. But this is not the way we are called to live. Jesus tells us to truly love someone, we need to put their needs ahead of our own and be self-sacrificing. Paul tells us, Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Phil 2: 3-4. If we love our husbands the way that we ought to, we should be willing to put our husbands first before ourselves. This does not mean that you don’t have a voice or an opinion, but rather when that line in the sand gets drawn, you need to cling to your husband and put his needs above your own.

Often women view loving someone as having romantic feelings about them and feeling those sparks every time you touch them. That is one kind of love but not the love that Jesus wants us to have for our spouses. That type of love is superficial and fleeting. Jesus died for us because He loved us so much. That is the kind of love we are expected to have with our spouses. Greater love has no one than this, that a person will lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13. I’m sure most of us love our kids in that way but who else can we add to that list? Would that list even include your spouse? If your husband is a believer, he is called to love you in the same way. This is why we are told to marry someone whom we are equally yoked with “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” 2 Corinthians 6:14-15. Paul is explaining that when one is “yoked” to a partner, this means that two people should equally share the burdens of life and the purpose of their calling in Christ to glorify God. Their work will be light even though there will still be toil because they will be striving to go in the same direction, joyfully burdened for Christ. Their burden will be light because their equal yoke will bring peace and rest. If you are a selfish person, being yoked together with your spouse will leave you feeling like a caged animal. Learning to comprise and find a middle ground will help you go through this life with a lot less weight around your neck.

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Creating a Godly Atmosphere at Home

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One of my biggest pet peeves is hearing someone say, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”. Eye-roll, wow that makes us sound like a bunch of mentally unstable tyrants, doesn’t it? It irritates me partially because it has some truth behind it, but also because it makes women sound so fragile with their emotional state, as well as unable to control their emotions. We are not all incapable of keeping a calm and cool demeanor, nor do we want people to walk on eggshells around us. But then there is that truth component, as wives and mothers we do set the tone of our house. If we are frequently upset about all the chores that don’t get done or are insulted every time the family doesn’t like dinner, that attitude comes across to everyone. One person’s bad mood is more contagious than Covid. The tone of our house should be one of joy, optimism, and delight in the Lord. Peter encourages us as wives and mothers to win our family over with our actions rather than our words. Wives, in the same way, be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without talk by the behavior of their wives.” 1 Peter 3:1. If our family sees us joyfully praising God, seeking His help through prayer and petition, and helping to direct your children in love and truth, they will not only develop respect for you, but they will grow up wanting to have those same qualities.

It is repeated in the bible over and over again that God wants us to praise Him with song. How many times do we walk around the house singing God’s praises? My lips will shout for joy when I sing praises to You; And my soul, which You have redeemed. Psalm 71:23. Are you shouting for joy at all the ways that God has blessed your life? Yeah, me neither, not nearly as much as I should. I’m sure if your kids came home and found you dancing and singing God’s praises, at first they would think you were weird, but then that joy would also creep into their hearts. Our kids are watching us and taking notes from the time they are small until the day we die. It’s one thing to tell them to pray, worship, act Godly, etc, but it’s another to actually act it out for them. Sometimes people don’t know what emotions look like. What does it look like to trust God, to love God, to seek God? Show them by your example, because they are watching you and imitating you. How do you want your kids to reflect your attitude?

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Insecurity

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In America, we have an extremely competitive culture. We are constantly measuring ourselves against others. Am I skinnier than her? Do we make more money than our friends? How many vacations can we afford to go on this year? Yes, we are always trying to one-up and outdo one another constantly. However, this drive for competitiveness can also be very damaging in our marriage. Many husbands have insecurities about not being a good enough provider for their families. After all that is their God-given role as head of the household. So if we are constantly pointing out to them how much bigger our friend’s house is or how many vacations they go, over time those comments start to chip away at your husband’s confidence in his role as provider. Remember that none of us are perfect, we are all flawed and we will all make mistakes. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8-9. Thankfully God loved us in spite of all of our flaws and we should extend the same love to our spouse. Help him embrace his weaknesses while also acknowledging the gifts God has given him to fulfill His purpose in your spouse’s life. The good news? Much like a destructive belief, a healed identity will spread into every area of your life and marriage. Imagine what your marriage would be like void of doubts, comparisons, and the dark cloud of inadequacy.

What if you are the one with the inadequacy issues? All my other friends are much prettier and thinner than I am, how do I deal with that? If you struggle with self-worth, begin your journey to relinquish your insecurities. You likely have negative thoughts like I’m not good enough. I’m such a failure. I’m fat. I’m worthless. These thoughts rob you of joy and damage your marriage. Thinking this way only devalues our relationship with God. We can all too easily forget that we are children of God, and God would never think those terrible things about his own children. And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.” 2 Corinthians 6:18. Everyone has an internal dialogue that no one else hears. If you rehearse and repeat thoughts that you’re not good enough, you’ll feel anxiety, anger, jealousy, or depression. Consider how destructive thoughts have affected your emotions, and think about how personal insecurities have trickled into your marriage. Imagine what your marriage would be like void of doubts, comparisons, and the dark cloud of inadequacy. Focus on complimenting your spouse for all the good he does. Focus on the good and not the bad.

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Hard to Love

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God is love. We, on the other hand, have to work at it. Sometimes it’s easy for us and sometimes it can be one of the most challenging things that we do. Sometimes loving someone can be hard to love because of their personality, maybe they are harsh, brazen, and love to argue. That can be like trying to hug a porcupine. Some people are warm and friendly and it seems like second nature to love them. So how do we respond to those porcupines in our lives? Love is a choice, my friends, it’s not always an emotion that we feel. So if love is a choice, we are all capable of loving our porcupines. If we are unable to love, the bible tells us that we don’t know God. Beloved, let’s love one another; for love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:7-8. Yikes that can be a hard pill to swallow. What if this difficult porcupine disguises himself from time to time as your spouse? You can’t just get rid of him, or avoid him like you may do with the other porcupines, so you must learn to love in those situations where loving is not easy. If you are lacking love in your marriage, you should not just focus on your marriage and your spouse, but on yourself and your relationship with God. 

If you think your spouse can be difficult to love at times, think of how bad we looked as Christ was dying on the cross for us. At that point in time we were at our most unlovable. We weren’t just porcupines, we were ticking time bombs wrapped in barbed wire. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God remains in us, and His love is perfected in us. 1 John 4:11-12. I don’t know about you but I want God to remain in me as much as possible. Some ways that we can love our spouse include being considerate and gentle with your spouse. We have very little control over how our spouse acts but we do have control over how we respond to him. Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. 1 Corinthians 13:4. How can we extend patience and kindness to our spouse? This week think of ways that you can focus on being patient and kind towards your spouse, especially when he doesn’t deserve it.

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A Wife’s Heart

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We have heard about the desires of our hearts. Delight yourself in the Lord, And He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 But we also know that our heart and our desires can be good, or they can be wicked. So how can we as wives make sure that our hearts of focused on the right things for the right reasons? If we have Godly desires but are unwilling to wait for the Lord’s timing, those desires can turn into idols for us. If you set your desires on obtaining that thing, more than a desire to glorify God, you have made that into an idol. Some sneaky idols can be, good health/physical appearance, children, a loving husband, success, etc. Even though these things seem harmless, you have your heart set on these things and then it doesn’t happen the way you expect it to, it causes frustration and anxiety. “The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9 

As wives, we can have certain expectations of our husbands to act a certain way. This desire is not necessarily a bad one, but the issues arise when we have no control over how our spouse behaves. So then when he fails to meet our expectations-and he will-then we end up disappointed, frustrated, and hurt. Instead of asking God for the desires of YOUR heart, ask Him for the desires of HIS heart. When we start diligently seeking what the Lord wants, your priorities will change from things that will leave you feeling empty and frustrated to things that will give your life purpose and meaning. Some desires just need a little tweaking from God while others, we need a major makeover. Either way, once those desires of your heart, line up with God’s heart, you will grow a more thankful attitude towards God and your spouse. Where do these things fall on our thoughts, our priorities throughout the day, and the control we think we have over them? Search me, God, and know my heart; Put me to the test and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there is any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way. Psalms 139:23-24.

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Relationships

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Our God is a very relational being. He walked with Adam in the cool of the day. He talked and ate with Abraham. He met Haggar in the desert, and of course, He made a way for us to have a relationship with Him through Jesus’ sacrifice. He not only wants a relationship with us, but there is also a relationship between Him, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, known as the Trinity. The Godhead relationship is a model for all of humanity. The Trinity relationship is an example of how a relationship can be in perfect harmony and unity. The Trinity relationship is also spelled out to us as an example of how God has designed marriage. You see marriage was not designed to be husband and wife, but husband, wife, and God (another Trinity) Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22. For the human Trinity to work there must be voluntary submission to each other along with open and honest communication. Within the God-head there are no secrets, no power struggles, and no selfish ambition. Just imagine what your marriage trinity would look like if you modeled it after the heavenly Trinity

To be perfected in unity, in our marriage, and with the Lord, we must not be seeking what is best for me but rather, how are we going to glorify God through our relationship? God doesn’t want us to live out our relationships our way. He wants us to do it His way, to spare ourselves as much hurt and heartache as possible. The more God-like our relationships evolve, the closer we also get to God, and that is what He wants more than anything, a relationship with us. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one – I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. John 17:22-23. Because our human nature is to take care of and protect ourselves, we have to fight that pull. We can fight that by being in God’s word every day, saturating our minds with Him. The Holy Spirit will convict you at your deepest level to motivate you in your relationship, to make it one that is glorifying to God and not to self. 

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