Author: nunu329

Throughout the New Testament, we hear about Jesus interceding for us in prayer. Well if that’s what Jesus did and we are supposed to look like Christ, we need to be interceding for others, most importantly our spouses. We also read several other places in the bible where people would intercede for others to spare them from God’s wrath. Abraham intercedes for Sodom and Gomorrah, pleading with God to not punish the righteous with the wicked. Job intercedes for his friends when God tells them He is angry with them about how they dealt with Job during his suffering. And Jesus interceded for us even on the cross as He was dying, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34. How often do we not even realize the sin that we are doing and without the divine trinity interceding for us, all hope would be lost? So how do we take that and apply it to our marriage? How many times has your husband sinned against you? Probably too many to count. But as wives, it’s not our job to keep a record of wrongdoings, it’s our job to pray for our husbands because, at the end of the day, it is only God who can change someone and only God who can save someone.

Intercessory prayer is probably one of the most difficult because it is all focused on someone else. Plus we usually intercede for someone after they have hurt us in some way. Maybe they meant to hurt us, maybe they didn’t, but either way, the hurt still happened. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16. Who ever thought that praying for someone else would help you heal? Only our Lord. He is just so awesome that way, that while we think and care for others, He is working on a double miracle.

Finally, a country song that got it right. Thank you Tim McGraw for reminding us of the fruits of the spirit. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. Galatians 5:22-26. However being kind to someone who has hurt you is beyond hard, at times it can feel impossible. Being kind doesn’t mean that you ignore sin, it just means that you don’t let hate and hurt take over your heart. Satan not only wants situations to injure us, but he also wants us to build a wall around our hearts called hate. From that point it just gets harder and harder to let love in, or to show love in return to someone, and that my friends is not what Jesus wanted for our lives.

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Luke 6:35-36. Jesus tells us to love our enemies, but why? Doesn’t he know how hard that is? Of course he does, He knows all too well. We are supposed to be light bearers of God and if God’s love for us is unconditional, we should love our spouses unconditionally. God’s love for us doesn’t change just because we messed up or didn’t perform our best. That doesn’t mean there won’t be consequences for our actions, but He still loves us so much in spite of how we mess up. Our spouse is not our enemy, even though it can feel that way, especially when big decisions need to be made. If there’s one person on this planet we should love unconditionally, it should be our spouses. After all, that is what we proclaimed in our vows, for rich or poor, sickness or health, good times or bad. Our marriages are not just going to be all good all the time, so how will you respond when your marriage is in a valley? Will you be the beacon of light for your spouse and everyone on the outside looking in? Those are really big shoes to fill but thankfully when we are weak, He is strong!

How many times in our lives and in our marriage have we put on a happy face, even when happy was the last emotion we were feeling? Yes, there’s a time and place to fake it until you make it, but do we ever allow ourselves the time to just be honest about what’s going on? Many times Christians believe that if we have hope in God, the only emotion we should feel is joy. Yes, you should always keep that in the back of your mind and remain hopeful but even God has negative emotions. Many times being truthful with our spouse means opening up about things we know are going to be difficult. But why does God want us to speak the truth even when the outcome might be painful? Because that’s how we look most like Jesus. Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6. Do you remember when Jesus was put on trial before Pilot and they had a conversation about truth? “You are a king, then!” said Pilate. Jesus answered, “You say that I am a king. In fact, the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.” What is truth?” retorted Pilate. John 18:37-38.

Being truthful with your spouse can be incredibly difficult, especially when you are addressing a sin issue. Whether it’s your issues or his, truth needs to come from a place of love. It doesn’t come from when you have had enough and just blurt out the truth in a judging and angry place. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:3-5. Love keeps no record of wrongs, I don’t know about you but that is a really hard one for me. Sometimes the sins that have been done to you still hurt and it feels like they take forever to get over. Then there can be those times when being truthful with your spouse is not appreciated. There will come a time when the truth, no matter how loving is hurtful because it is exposing sin, and as we know, sin loves the dark and does not like being exposed to the light. So when you have to decide what to say or how to respond to your spouse, always pick truth. It may hurt and may make things uncomfortable but ultimately it is our job as Christians to be loving and truthful with one another.

How can we even love at all? It is only because Christ first loved us, that we can love others. We don’t even understand love, our human brains just don’t get it. Sure we understand what it feels like to have very strong emotions but without God’s perfect love for us, would we understand what true love is all about? But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8. God loved us at our worst, in our ugliest moments when nobody else could find us lovable. God sacrificed his Son for us because he loved us. What if we took just a fraction of that love and applied it to our spouse? Sacrificial love is the kind of love you need when your spouse is being unlovable. That is the only way to love him the way that Christ loved us. To love like Christ means to sacrifice our needs, desires, hopes, and dreams for our spouse’s good. What would you give up for your spouse? Jesus gave up his life for us. 

There are times when our spouse can feel like our biggest enemy rather than our best friend. This is because we love in human terms, we don’t love unconditionally the way that God loves us. How hard is it for us to show warmth and affection to our spouse when they have done something to hurt us? Maybe we should try to extend grace and acceptance to our spouses. To love someone fully, we must accept their shortcomings and imperfections. Think about all the shortcomings you have. How would it feel if your spouse never extended grace to you when you needed it the most? Extending grace and acceptance to your spouse doesn’t mean you accept their sin and don’t demand change, but it does mean that we understand that we are all flawed human beings and that change is only possible with the help of our Lord. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2. How do we bear with each other? How long does our bearing last? I challenge all of you, and myself included, to be an Ephesians 4:2 wife. I can only imagine how much better my marriage would be if I can be the kind of wife that Christ has called me to be.

Have you ever been asked to do something that you really didn’t want to do and then you grumble and complain about it the entire time? We do that all the time. Our life is full of times of going through the motions but not feeling like it. But do we still act that way when God asks us to do something? I don’t know about you but I absolutely do. Especially when things get a little bumpy on the road, I take that time to look up to the sky and remind God that this was all His idea, I didn’t even want to do it, but here I am no suffering because I obeyed. We can have terrible attitudes, and those attitudes can be directed toward God, our bosses, our kids, and even our husbands. When our spouses struggles with a particular sin, how quickly can we become prideful and boast about our righteousness just because we don’t share that same struggle? Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:3-4. How often do we value our spouses above ourselves? What would our marriages look like if we did that? Our marriages might look more like the image of love that Christ has for us. Christ was always humble even when he could have pointed out how great and how perfect he was and is. Dealing with your spouse who struggles with sin should be dealt with gently and thoughtfully. Our reaction to things can oftentimes make things worse rather than better. How would you want Christ to deal with you and your sin?

Life and marriage can be a whirlwind of emotions. Some days we feel on top of the world, we are happy, and hopeful, and can experience incredible joy. At other times in our lives, we feel sorrow, regret, and remorse. It’s not about the emotions themselves that get us into trouble, it’s about how we handle those emotions. Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:9-10. Have you realized that even God experiences emotions? In Genesis, right before the flood, God felt regret that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled. In Jeremiah, God said to Israel: “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself. The difference between God’s emotions and ours is that He never sins. We however let our emotions cloud our judgment and can often lead our actions to become volatile and out of control. Even though God experiences the same emotions we do, He is able to still love us perfectly, despite the ways that we hurt Him. Think about the ways you have hurt God, what about the ways you have hurt your spouse? We know that we can never be perfect like God. That’s why Jesus had to die on the cross for us, but that doesn’t mean that we throw in the towel and quit trying. No, this is why we need our daily bread of reading the bible, and why we need prayer because we can do nothing without Christ. But through his strength and his goodness, we can try to love our spouse the way God loves us. So when you are walking through that dark place and your attitude couldn’t be worse, seek God, pray to Him, and have Him change your attitude and your life. You are a new creation after all.

Why are we to choose love over all else? Because love only comes from God, hate comes from Satan. “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:36-39. But I’m not talking about the kind of love you see portrayed in movies. That kind of love is very finicky and can be here today and gone tomorrow. That kind of love is all about how we feel inside, or how someone else makes us feel. God’s love however is totally different. His love doesn’t change based on our behavior. He doesn’t “fall out of love” with us. Jesus tells us that true love may require you to lay your life down for someone. “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. John 15: 12-13. Is that the kind of love you have for your spouse? What about your kids, your parents, etc? Do we even understand what unconditional love is? How do we keep loving someone, when they are making it hard to love them? God tells us that true love isn’t a feeling or something that happens to us, it’s a choice.

Genuine love is defined by our actions and our actions should show that we want what’s best for that person, not what makes them, or ourselves comfortable. We should also use love to help build up one another to grow into our fullest God-given potential. This kind of love flies in the faith of what our culture has taught us about love. It’s not easy to help build each other up. In fact, it may cause many arguments and tension in a relationship. Genuine love is followed up with loving actions. We must be careful to not only show truth, discipline, and correction with a healthy balance of love. Paul warns us of what a world without love looks like. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3. True love is demonstrated by holding our spouse accountable for their sins, setting boundaries, gently correcting, and ultimately forgiving. This kind of love will keep a marriage going for decades. Don’t trust your sensual desires of love, those are fleeting and have nothing to do with the type of love God wants us to have for our spouse. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.1 Corinthians 13:13

It’s easy to say you’re committed to your spouse but what about when push comes to shove? What if your husband decides to take a job requiring a major move, what if he becomes injured and needs 24/7 care, or what if your life doesn’t turn out the way you thought it would? It’s hard to think about those situations until you are actually in them, and commitment can be much more complicated than you anticipated. The thing is, on your wedding day, you didn’t just make a commitment to your spouse, you also made one to God.

If a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth. Numbers 30:2. God takes our commitment very seriously even though he knows it isn’t always easy. What does commitment in marriage mean? Genuine devotion. It’s genuine devotion to both God and the covenant of marriage. It’s a question that needs to be affirmed, are my actions proving my genuine devotion to God and my spouse?

A marriage is made like a cord of 3 strands that can not be easily broken. Those 3 stands include you, your spouse, and God. One way to keep God at the center of your marriage is to find a church that teaches biblical instructions for marriage, and a church family that is biblically grounded! When you are constantly being fed by the true word of God, you will get the information and hopefully heart transformation you will need to not only survive marriage but make it thrive. It is also important to have friends who are like-minded in developing a godly marriage. Those who are willing to be real, do life together, pray with you when it’s a tough season, celebrate with you, and encourage each other in life. Christian support and accountability are absolutely necessary. We were created to be in community with others. If you don’t already have a biblical church that you are a member of, make that a priority to seek out. “For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them” Matthew 18:20.

Gentleness, a fruit of the Spirit, carries great value and strength in a biblically grounded marriage. To be gentle means to have a quality of being kind, tender, or mild-mannered. I’ve also heard gentleness described as strength under control. Gentleness draws each other in. Gentleness is a very attractive quality no matter who is displaying it. It is an essential biblical marriage principle displayed through both actions and words. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3. God ultimately wants us to look and act just like Him. The best way of doing that is to display the fruits of the spirit. Hopefully the more fruits of the spirit we demonstrate to others, the less strife we will have in our lives. I know this isn’t always the case but by being gentle to others, you will cause them to be gentle in return. 

We all have choices to make in this life. Some are obvious and easy and some are dreadfully difficult. God also allows us to choose how we respond to situations and what our attitudes will be like. The bible talks about our attitude, and how God will repay us for our deeds, whether good or bad. Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:7-9. We often forget that we have a choice of how to respond to our spouses when they treat us poorly. We don’t always have to react to the situation. Often times our reactions are based on our world views, which we can only see the here and now. And sometimes the here and now can feel overwhelming and intolerable. It can be tempting when we are going through painful situations to throw our hands up in the air and say ” What is the use in doing good? What we are not seeing is God’s long-term plan for our lives. Even though our pain is real, how is God using this pain, or this situation to make you a stronger Christian?

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. Our choices in this life reveal what we love the most and where our priorities are. It is a normal human response that when we start to experience pain, whether emotional or physical, we want to find a way to get that pain to stop as quickly as possible. But what if we based our decisions on holiness rather than happiness? From the eternal perspective, we have a very short time here on planet Earth, so what are we doing with that time? Are we living our lives the way God has planned for us, or do we live our lives in a way that makes us most happy? Yes, God’s path for our lives may be full of difficult parts but the end is well worth the journey. If we choose to follow our happiness, we may have a great time on that path, but it ultimately leads us to a place of pain and suffering. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11. God’s plans are perfect for us. Our plans are humanly flawed, so don’t rely on yourself, put God back in the driver’s seat of your life.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I was told by my parents many times that the world did not revolve around me. Why would they constantly remind me that as I was growing up? Because we were born selfish and self-centered. All of us want to be loved, praised, adored, and in control of everything. If this is not corrected in our youth, we grow up ill-prepared for our adult lives, which will be filled with disappointment. We will be thrown into a painful reality that not every situation will produce love, praise, adoration, and control for us. Having a lack of control over our own lives can turn us into people-pleasers, rather than God-pleasers. We start to try to please mankind in hopes that our fragile universe of one stays in orbit, and nothing upsets it. Paul tells us in Galatians why that is a bad idea. Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10. Job reminds us that without God, we stand on very shaky, fragile ground. Such is the destiny of all who forget God; so perishes the hope of the godless. What they trust in is fragile what they rely on is a spider’s web. They lean on the web, but it gives way; they cling to it, but it does not hold. Job 8:13-15.

So how do we fight this sin tendency that we were all born with? We can’t do this on our own. We need God’s help with this and we need to fully trust him. But how do we trust God when we don’t know what the future holds? Trusting God involves more than just a mental acknowledgment that God will provide and keep you safe. It involves when the storms of this life rage, you turn to Jesus in hope, in trust, and in love. You don’t blame him for everything that is going wrong, or play the victim asking Why me God? Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6. When you start trusting God with your life and all of its circumstances, you learn to be obedient to all that he commands. Even though we cannot be perfectly obedient as Christ was, God sees our hearts and knows our intentions are good. His love and compassion will make us strong where we are weak. So put your hope and trust in Jesus, in the trust fall of life, we will always catch you.