Author: nunu329

You Shall Have No Other gods Before Me

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Our marriages suffer when we worship something other than God. Worship changes us. If we worship the true and living God we become more patient, loving, and willing to serve. It’s when we start worshiping idols that our lives can head into a tailspin. Idolatry doesn’t always appear as a literal statue in our house, sometimes it can be something non-tangible and a little more difficult to spot. Have you ever been super focused on the approval of others or maybe the comforts of this life and not wanting to do anything to disrupt your current living situation? Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me. Exodus 20:3-5. God is very clear about this subject and as you can see it includes more than just worshiping an object. It also includes seeking comfort, refuge, or hope from this idol instead of God. Why is it so important to have a healthy marriage? First, if you and your husband have different idols such as people pleasing and comfort, you are striving towards two different goals which will ultimately lead you to butting heads. Secondly, if we aim to please people, like our boss for example, we do whatever we can to make them happy, but what if that is not making our spouse happy because we spend too much time at work or when we are at home we are still working? See how this can quickly spiral out of control?

The answer to this problem is simple yet complex. One of the scribes came up and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, “What commandment is the foremost of all?” Jesus answered, “The foremost is, ‘Hear, Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one, and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:28-31. You see Jesus gave us two commandments to follow, loving your neighbors shows God’s love through us, and loving God is the path that takes us to loving our spouse. God makes it clear that He wants our love and our worship. When we do that and focus on His word, we hear what He has to say about loving your spouse. Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. Ephesians 5:22-23. We hear messages like this throughout the Bible and it reminds us how preciously God holds marriage. He understands how frustrated your husband can be, after all He made your husband. So don’t let the sins of this world bring you down a dark hole. No matter what you are going through in your marriage, God has the best advice, open up His word and let it sink into your soul.

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She Is Not Afraid

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There are so many things that we can fear in this life. Some fears are valid while others we can not logically justify. God knows that we will have fearful events in our lives but He calls on us to trust Him through those times. She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet. Proverbs 31:21. Regardless of what the basis of our fear is, it can still be crippling to us, causing us to not do all that God has commanded us to do. Most of the time when we become fearful, we then become anxious which causes us to feel guilty that we are not living our lives the way that God has commanded. It’s a vicious cycle that can feel like it has no end. Fear may cause us to act in terrible ways that we wouldn’t have acted normally. Think about the story of Peter and how he denied Jesus three times because he was afraid he would meet the same fate as Jesus. Then he began to curse and swear, “I do not know the man!” And immediately a rooster crowed. And Peter remembered the statement that Jesus had made: “Before a rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly. Matthew 26:74-75. Peter was so afraid that he denied his Lord and Savior and that betrayal tormented him.

We can combat fear by putting our faith and trust in God and remembering His promises to us. The promises of God’s word are tried and true, so you can take comfort in leaning into those with all your weight. Along with remembering God’s promises, we can also ask Him for wisdom and discernment. Solomon asked for wisdom after he became King so he could lead his people down the right path. We are often frightened because we don’t know what to expect or what the future holds for us. I sought the Lord and He answered me, And rescued me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4. Even though our future can be uncertain and scary we must remember that we can turn to the things of this world such as drugs or alcohol to quiet the fear, or we can turn to God. He will take away our fears and replace them with peace. We know this because this is what He tells us time and time again in the Bible. Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will also help you, I will also uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10. God will never leave us nor forsake us, so lean on the one who will never let you down. Tell Him all your fears and anxious thoughts. Tell Him everything that is on your mind no matter how big or small. God wants a relationship with us and you can’t have a relationship with someone when you don’t share your feelings. So open up to God. He is waiting to comfort you and strengthen you.

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Slow to Anger

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Have you ever felt guilty about the anger that you have shown towards your spouse? I know if you are like me there are too many to count. Anger, irritation, and frustration can all lead us to act in ways that are unbiblical and not pleasing to God. But how do you get around these emotions without acting like a fool? The Bible tells us to rid ourselves of all of them: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene speech from your mouth. Colossians 3:8. In the bible we see many examples of how being angry can cause us to sin. When we look back at why Cain killed Abel, it was because Abel’s sacrifice was pleasing to God and he became angry over that. King Saul tried to kill David because of anger, the same thing happened to the Pharacies killing Jesus. Anger starts us off on the fast track to sin. In the story of Cain and Abel, the Lord tells Cain how he needs to respond. Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why is your face gloomy? If you do well, will your face not be cheerful? And if you do not do well, sin is lurking at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.” Genesis 4: 6-7. God tells us to master our emotions, especially anger before it gets the best of us.

Even God gets angry but His anger is a righteous anger. But He, being compassionate, forgave their wrongdoing and did not destroy them; And often He restrained His anger and did not stir up all His wrath. Psalm 78:38. God shows us that our emotions can be controlled and restrained even when we are angry for the right reasons. The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. Psalm 103: 8-10. Not only does God restrain His anger, but He is also “abounding in steadfast love.” He never ever runs out of a love that never, ever waivers. When I think about God’s holy, set apart, transcendent nature in light of my struggle against sin, it is the best news that God is not only patiently withholding anger, but He is eager to lavish us with His love. Instead of dealing with our anger towards our spouses why don’t we put aside the anger, put on love, and let God deal with our husbands in the way that only He can. We know if there is discipline that needs to happen, His discipline is perfect. And when you need love and forgiveness, God has got that covered too.

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Kindness On Her Tongue

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Communication in a Godly way is the foundation of having a healthy marriage. It is also the best way to solve conflicts when they arise in your marriage and since no marriage is void of conflict, we need to learn how to handle it head-on. When there is conflict, we are not called to run and hide, nor are we called to attack the other person with accusations. So how do we find that beautiful middle ground where we can talk about things openly, honestly, and respectfully? How can we handle arguments and conflict in a way that honors God, especially when emotions can run very high? She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. Proverbs 31:26. The first thing we need to focus on is getting rid of any biblical thoughts as soon as they enter our brain. Such thoughts can be, What’s the point, he will never change, There is no way to fix this, or I will have things my way whether he likes it or not. Most of the time we don’t even realize these thoughts creep into our minds because we hear them so much from society. We see it on TV shows, in communication with friends and co-workers, and everywhere we turn our heads. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and [e]acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2. Instead of running away from conflict or trying to avoid it, we should change the way that we think about the situation.

It is important to acknowledge how powerful negative thoughts can be and how they can negatively impact our emotions. Having the right thoughts on the other hand can make conflict resolution much more manageable. With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love Ephesians 4:2. Humility is important when solving conflict because when you put your husband’s needs above your own, it makes you focus on his needs and his point of view. If you humble yourself and do not seek your own way in whatever battle you and your husband are facing, God will be glorified. In the meantime pray for God to remove this battle from your marriage. We should also approach these situations with gentleness which means having strength under control. We are to have our emotions under control at all times. Sometimes as women, we try to make things bigger and have a bigger reaction to them to be noticed by our husbands. In general, they are taller and stronger than us, which causes us to act bigger and taller than them in other ways. Instead, we should, increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all perseverance and patience; joyously giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. Colossians 1:11-12.

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Out Of The Heart, The Mouth Speaks

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But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and those things defile the person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, acts of adultery, other immoral sexual acts, thefts, false testimonies, and slanderous statements. Matthew 15:18-19. The heart is where we first commit sin. It is where ideas brew and grow, eventually causing us to take action towards that sin. The more we dwell on sinful thoughts and feelings, the more likely we are to act upon them. Even our modern-day psychiatry understands that thinking negative things can have dangerous consequences. Negativity is often a product of depression or insecurity. It can stem from illness, life events, personality problems, and substance abuse. Like many things in life, negativity too, can become a habit. Frequent criticism, cynical thoughts, and denial can encourage sadness. These negative tendencies can cause our brain to distort the truth and make it even more difficult to break the negative cycle. Negative thoughts lead to negative emotions, those emotions build up in our hearts tempting us to want to act out in sin. The mind is a powerful thing and what you feed can affect it in a powerful way. Breaking the cycle of sinful and intrusive thoughts is very difficult but it can be done. Remember, God knows all the challenges we face in this world, that’s why he gives us the Bible full of good advice on how to conquer any problem that comes our way.

The Bible tells us, that the best way to get rid of sinful and intrusive thoughts, is to fill our minds and our hearts with God’s word. We are reminded in the Bible just how sinful we truly are and how easy it is for us to fall into sinful ways, but God gives us plenty of ways to help combat sin. In 1 Corinthians 13:4 God tells us that, Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. When you love your spouse, these character traits should reign supreme. While they can get under our skin and cause us frustration, we are called in turn to respond in love. Paul also reminds us, Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and pleading with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7. What I love more than anything in this verse is that if we pray, are thankful, and let God know what is on our hearts, He will guard our hearts and our minds. Sometimes the only way that you get around negative thoughts, is to have the power of God on your side. I don’t know about you, but I need all the help from God I can get. I have no power on my own to fight all the sinful things of this world. That is why Jesus came and died for us on the cross because we can do nothing without Him.

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Submissive Like Christ

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Submission has turned into a nasty word over the last century. Thanks to feminism, submission has become letting husbands rule and dominate us and we have no say or opinion. Unfortunately, we don’t think of submission any other way because we don’t understand what healthy submission looks like. The good news is that we don’t need to look too far or too hard to see a perfect example of submission. In Philippians 2:8 we are told, And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death: death on a cross. Christ was submissive and obedient to God the Father because He knew God’s will was needed for the salvation of humanity. Jesus was even submissive to God when the two are considered to be equals. You will notice there was no power struggle between the two of them, even during Christ’s life here on earth. Sure our husbands can predict the future, nor do they always act with the purest of intentions, but we are still called to submit. If you feel like your husband’s leadership is not biblical, seek God in prayer and then approach your husband with gentleness and humility.

Did you know being submissive to your husband can make you more beautiful? You heard me right. The Bible tells us, In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won over without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your pure and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or putting on apparel; but it should be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way the holy women of former times, who hoped in God, also used to adorn themselves, being subject to their own husbands. 1 Peter 3:1-5 Our beauty runs deeper than just how we look on the outside. As someone who has lived over four decades, I can tell you that your beauty will fade, your skin will sag, and things that you tolerated well in your past, do not mean you will accept them well as you age. Your husband should not only be attracted to your physical beauty but also the beauty of your spirit. Your spirit should become more beautiful every year as your relationship with the Lord grows and gets stronger. We can only have spiritual growth and spiritual beauty when our bond with God deepens and, learn to love Him and trust Him fully. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30. When we fear the Lord, we are obedient to him and obedience and submission go hand in hand. Love God by obeying His word and being the wife He intended you to be.

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If Your Brother Sins, Rebuke Him

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In keeping with the theme from last week about responding biblically to your spouse, this week we will talk about how to handle a situation when your spouse is acting in a way that is outside God’s law. As Christians, we are obligated not to turn a blind eye to sin no matter who that is. Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. Luke 17:3. Doing this is not to boast or to find delight in someone else flaws, but to help them restore their relationship with God. Please don’t also rebuke your spouse for every sin he commits. I’m sure you wouldn’t want him doing the same to you. When we rebuke someone it’s because their sin is causing a wedge in their relationship with God. And subject yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ. Ephesians 5:21. Not only is it ok for a wife to rebuke her husband, but it is expected. She is God’s gift to her husband to help him draw closer to the Lord and encourages his faithful living. If he is drifting away from the Lord and falling into sin, the chances of him leading his family astray are pretty high as well. This rebuking should be done with humility and in love. Anything other than that is sinful on the wife’s part. A wife should first examine her own heart when approaching her husband with his sin. The purpose of her reproach should be to restore her husband to God, not to expose him or pour guilt upon him.

There may be other times when your husband acts foolishly or has foolish and unreasonable demands for you. The Bible is very clear about how to respond to these types of situations. Do not answer a fool according to his foolishness, Or you will also be like him. Proverbs 26:4. This means we do retaliate with anger, harsh words, clamming up, or returning evil for evil. As a wife, you must learn how to respond to your husband’s foolishness in a God-honoring way. Many times throughout Jesus’ ministry, we see him asking people why they are responding to Him in a certain way. In the book of John, we see Jesus respond to the high priest in this manner. Jesus answered him, “I have spoken openly to the world; I always taught in synagogues and in the temple area, where all the Jews congregate; and I said nothing in secret. Why are you asking Me? Ask those who have heard what I spoke to them. Look: these people know what I said.”John 18:20-21. However when we take Jesus’ approach, we must remember that we are not sinless like Jesus but instead sinful, so be prepared to get some kickback from your spouse. No matter what we need to say to our spouses we must remember that the word of God is our most valuable tool. With this tool, we should be gentle and have a quiet manner, while also maintaining a submissive attitude. Confronting your spouse is hard but is necessary. Do it in prayer and careful consideration and always in love.

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Responding Biblically

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Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21. As mere humans we can bring death to someone with our words. Has someone ever said something to you that just cut you to the bone? I know I have. That old saying “sticks and stone will break my bones, but words will never hurt me” could not be more false. Words can destroy someone, but on the flip side, our words can build up, encourage, and bring forth new life. This could not be more true when dealing with your spouse. We all know our spouses will sin against us many times throughout our marriage and we will do the same. The taming of the tongue is one of a wife’s first steps into being submissive to her husband. Failure to communicate biblically is a sin because you are not being obedient to God. If we think about what we are going to say to our husbands and how our tone will be, before we say anything, then we have a greater chance of having a God-honoring speech come from our lips. Plus if we respond with kinder words and a less judgmental tone in our voices, the chances of your husband responding better greatly improve. Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:21. We have a choice as a wife and as a Christian of how we respond when people sin against us, and they will. This sin will happen when we least expect it, from the people we won’t expect, and there will be those times when it will be very expected. When this does happen, whether expected or not, we must respond with the right words and the right actions. We are told by Peter, All of you be harmonious, sympathetic, loving, compassionate, and humble; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you would inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:8-9. It’s hard not to want to get back at your husband when he hurts you, but rather than dwelling on what he did and how you can settle the score, pray for him and let God guide your thoughts on ways that you can bless your husband. After all, that’s what Jesus did for us. There are so many ways that God could even the score with each and every one of us. Instead, He sent His son to die for our sins. He returned the hurt that we did to Him into a loving response that ultimately heals our relationship with Him so that when we pass from this life to the next, we will not be eternally separated from Him. And thank God for that. Don’t try to separate yourself from your spouse, find ways to build that relationship back together.

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Don’t Fight Against Your Spouse, Fight Against Evil

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Sometimes it doesn’t take much for an argument to begin among spouses. It can be as simple as a look or a simple phrase that can turn things into a 3-day battle. But what if I told you that fighting with your spouse was a waste of energy? Your spouse is not the problem, Satan is. What if I told you that Satan was sitting in the background planting seeds of sin in your and your husband’s mind? He does not come right out and start problems, he likes to make it look like everyone else is the problem. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. (Ephesians 6:11-17) Don’t put your time and energy into fighting with your spouse, he’s not the enemy. Put your strength into fighting the devil. I know that seems hard since we can detect the devil with any of our five senses, but the Bible gives us practical ways to help defend ourselves and our marriage against his attacks. Paul tells us about five pieces of armor that we need to defend ourselves from Satan. The only way to obtain this armor is to be in the word often and be seeking the Lord and His wisdom constantly. Your shield of faith along with the sword of the spirit will help you stand firm against your true enemy, Satan.

Another way that Satan is working against us and our marriage is he temps us with desire. These desires can be physical like having lust of the flesh, or they can be more centered around our ego and pride. To be very honest, Satan doesn’t usually have to dangle that big of a carrot in front of us for us to be tempted. All he has to do is whisper that one little thing that we have been longing to hear. You are so awesome, you will be rich if you do this, you will be beautiful forever if you just….and the list goes on. Though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corn 10:3-5) Thankfully we can fight back with the word of God and take our thoughts captive. We don’t have to believe the lies that Satan tells us because we know the truth, God’s truth. As believers in Christ, we have been given divine power to stand against the forces of evil. So stand up to Satan, and stand up for your marriage. Your marriage is worth fighting for and if you don’t think so, Satan certainly does. He wants nothing more than to destroy your marriage but you don’t have to allow that to happen. Fight for your marriage as if your life depended on it.

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Overcoming

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All of us at some point in time have been wronged by our spouse. Maybe his sins have been minor but there are a lot of them or maybe he has just committed one big terrible sin. Either way, it doesn’t matter, Paul tells us in Romans 12:21, Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. It is the responsibility of the Godly wife to respond in a manner that reflects the right attitude and the right action. She is to continue this model of behavior until the battle with her spouse is over. Some conflicts may only take an hour or two to resolve while others could take years. Some of us may never see a resolution this side of heaven, but we are still obligated to respond in the right way. It is easy when we are wronged to plot how to get him back or dwell on all the ways that he has let you down, but we were not called for easy, we are called for obedience. Holding a grudge or keeping track of all his wrong doings, will not help your relationship with your spouse. In fact, it will only drive a wedge further and further between you. God not only wants your marriage relationship to be close with one another but He also wants you to have a close relationship with Him. When a wedge grows between you and your spouse, it will inevitably grow bigger between you and God.

God doesn’t ask us to work miracles with our spouse, He just asks for our obedience to Him. Obedience to God is intentionally praying for your spouse, for his healing, and for his discernment. It also involves speaking to him with kind and loving words. Treat people the same way you want them to treat you. Luke 6: 31. When was the last time you found ways to bless your husband? Believe me, it can be hard to do when you are bitter and hurting, but blessing your husband with kindness is one of the best ways to show God’s love to Him. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8. We were the worst kind of sinner to God and Jesus still died on the cross for us. I’m sure no matter what your husband has done to you, it is not worse than the ways we have sinned against God. When we pray for our spouse and ask for God’s blessing upon him, that also helps to soften our hearts towards him. So the next time your husband sins against you, remember there are two hearts that need healed, his for hurting you, and you for learning to forgive.

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