Marriage Is For Holiness, Not Happiness

When God created marriage, He didn’t do it to make us happy, He created it to make us Holy. As the Holy Spirit works in us, we too as a married couple are asked to be the hands that help cleanse one another of our hard hearts and sinful habits, to help prepare each other for when we will be the bride of Christ. Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. Luke 17:3. In marriage this can quickly turn into a slippery slope. We can find ourselves to be critical of behavior, speech, and emotion that our spouse has, and use it as ammunition to point out all their sinful ways. That line can get crossed when we start blurring what God calls sin and what we call sin. Some of us chew with our mouths open, and some of us have nervous habits, these may be bothersome to our spouse but that does not make them sinful. The other thing we have to remember is that Jesus called us to rebuke each other. That’s right, it’s a two-way street. So if you are not prepared to accept your sinful behavior, you better be extra careful in pointing out your spouses. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and look, the log is in your own eye? Matthew 7:3-4. If you are going to point out sinful behavior in your spouse, make sure to have examples ready along with bible verses to help support your view. This will help your spouse be more open to listening and hopefully turning from his/her sin.

Our role as a spouse is not only to be the sin police but to help build each other up. None of us can grow into the kind of Christian God wants us to be if we are constantly being beaten down by others, pointing out all of our flaws. There has to be some balance or correction and encouragement, both done in love. Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you also are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11. Paul knew how easy it was to stay focused on the negative and then be left with little encouragement to strive to be like God. In this way, we need to study and pay attention to our spouses. If they need correction, correct them. If they need to be reminded of God’s promises and love, remind them. And if they need encouragement, encourage them. Paul also reminds us in Ephesians, Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29. That means after a not-so-fun conversation with your spouse, ask them if your words were harsh and in the end, if they felt encouraged to go and sin no more.