Conflict Resolution

Everyone has arguments from time to time. It’s just part of our sinful human nature and marriage is no different. The only difference is you made a commitment to love and honor your spouse until death do you part. So how do you keep the peace while making sure one person is not constantly favored over another? First, we make sure that the argument of, “you always get things your way”, stays out of the conversation. Focus on the problem at hand and don’t accuse your spouse of “always” or “never” behaving a certain way. Putting your spouse on the defensive is never wise. The best way to communicate with your spouse is to know what to say and what not to say. Just because a thought comes to your mind, does not mean it needs to be vocalized. If anyone thinks himself to be religious, yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this person’s religion is worthless. James 1:26. We live in a fallen world, and our natural tendencies are to focus on ourselves and attempt to impose our will on others. Often by trying to get things done “my way” we can end up causing communication breakdowns and barriers. This selfish ambition can leave our spouses with hurt feelings or battle wounds that can take years to heal. Wounded relationships, broken families, and a discouraging lack of peace and satisfaction are just a few of the consequences that can mar a marriage.

Fortunately for us, God provides us with a blueprint of how we should walk through our marriages. When you have a disagreement, try to remember to try to identify the core issue. Arguments often arise because of events or issues that disguise the real problem. Consider what attitudes or beliefs are motivating your behavior for clues as to what the core issue in any conflict is. It is easy to get sidetracked in an argument and start battling things that aren’t even the main issue. We are also reminded not to go to bed angry. Disputes need to be settled or at least come to some sort of agreement by the end of the day. Some issues can take days or weeks to sort out, but you must not allow that distance and anger between you and your spouse, otherwise the Devil will have no problem settling in between your relationship. Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. Ephesians 4:26-27.