Controlling the Tongue

All too often we live in the moment, feeding off our emotions and impulses. But what would happen if we trained our brains and our tongues not to just react but to stop and think about how our response affects our spouse? Let’s face it, our spouses will never act the way we expect them to in all situations. Many times we sit there and pray for God to fix our spouse, but maybe we are the ones who need fixing. If our spouse acts sinfully, but then we respond sinfully, aren’t we both sinners? A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1. I’m sure you have heard from your mother or grandmother, two wrongs don’t make a right. It’s almost like they got that wonderful advice from the Bible. How we respond to our spouse can either cause the fight to rage on, or it can stop the tension dead in its tracks. The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18. Our words make a huge difference in the future of our marriages.

The Bible tells us our words hold the power of life and death. So what would happen if we chose words that could bring healing to our relationship rather than anger and strife? When your spouse acts poorly, you need to respond with truth and love. These days the word truth is very vague. Apparently, everyone now has their own truth, but the only truth you need to know is God’s truth. Speak God’s truth to your spouse rather than just the truth, or your opinion of the truth. Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23. But it’s not just the words we use, but our tone of voice, our body language, and so forth that help convey our verbal message.

We live in a fallen world and it will be a constant struggle for us to find the right words to say to our spouse. We are constantly learning how to respond better, and how to speak everything in love. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8. Our heavenly father wants nothing more than for us to come to him in prayer, so come to him and ask him boldly and frequently to help you with your tongue and behavior.