What Is Love?

Agape

Greek agapē, in the New Testament, is the highest form of love there is. This type of love refers to the love that our heavenly father has for us, and in return, the love that we have for him. God does not merely love; He is love. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.1 John 4:8

Everything God does flows from His love. The most perfect demonstration of this love was done by Jesus when he died on the cross for us. Jesus not only lived out the example but he told us stories of how to live out this kind of love as well. Jesus tells us the parable of the Good Samaritan as an example of sacrifice for the sake of others. This loving sacrifice was made with no consideration as to how we would be treated in return. The good Samaritan had everything to lose and nothing to gain, yet he showed his love to a stranger despite all that. We are to love others with agape love, whether they are fellow believers “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13: 34-35. Agape love as modeled by Christ is not based on a feeling; rather, it is a determined act of the will, a joyful resolve to put the welfare of others above our own.

Agape love involves putting others before ourselves the type of love, you before me. It’s a love focused on faithfulness, commitment, and an act of the will. While this is used for the love between God and ourselves, it is also used when talking about spouses. Think about how much happier marriages would be overall if everyone had the you before me attitude. Agape does not go off of how you are feeling at that moment or how you have been treated. To see a picture of what agape love looks like, we can turn to 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 

You hear this verse all the time at weddings and for very good reason. This is the ultimate love, not based on how the other person makes you feel. You don’t love someone just because they say nice things to you, or make you feel smart. You love them this way because this is what God requires from marriage. While agape love is the highest form of love, we can see it contrasted with philia love or brotherly love.

Phila

Phila describes brotherly love, which is why the city of Philadelphia is referred to as the city of brotherly love. This love is different from agape love in almost every way. Philia refers to love based on mutual respect, common values, and shared love. This is always a non-sexual relationship and can even be passed down from multiple generations. We see this type of love displayed when God provides for His people when they were in need, protected them from their enemies, and forgave them when they sinned against Him. Two people are better than one. They can help each other in everything they do. Suppose someone falls down. Then his friend can help him up. But suppose the man who falls down doesn’t have anyone to help him up. Then feel sorry for him! – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10. Just because Phila is “brotherly” love doesn’t mean you can have that love towards your spouse. Remember when you were dating and you would stay up until all hours of the night talking on the phone, or spending time doing activities together because it was a mutual love? There are many different ways we can show love to our spouses because we love them in different ways. We love to have conversations with them, make sure he is taken care of, and have an intimate and physical relationship with him. Love is so complex and multidimensional, I don’t think we will fully understand it until we get to heaven. Only then we will see the true and purest form of all kinds of love from our heavenly father.