Dealing with Conflict

We are fallen people in a fallen world. Of course, we are going to get angry with each other and argue. So the goal is not to have a marriage without fighting or disagreements, but how to handle them from a biblical aspect when they do arise.

Anger. Anger can shatter communication and tear apart relationships. My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19-20. Anger becomes a problem and sinful when it is allowed to boil over without restraint, causing even more hurt with raw emotions involved, leaving devastation in its wake. Often, the consequences of out-of-control anger are irreparable. Anger also becomes a sin when the angry one refuses to be pacified, holds a grudge, or keeps it all inside.

Confronting in Love. Everyone thinks that Christians are not supposed to be confrontational but that is actually only half true. We are called to confront our brothers or sisters in the Lord when they are sinning. Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you, Reprove a wise man and he will love you. Proverbs 9:8.We do need to help keep one another accountable and follow the guidance of the Lord. Sometimes that means needing to reprove our spouses. That can be a very difficult yet delicate task. Sure none of us mind pointing out someone else’s sins, but the Lord told us to do it in love. My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins. James 5: 19-20. Before confronting your spouse, however, you should be diligent in prayer and ask the Lord to guide your words and your thoughts. You should also never confront someone while you are still angry with them, this will only make things worse. But we as spouses have an obligation to lovingly confront our spouses when issues are affecting our relationships.

Forgiveness. What does it mean to forgive? It means setting your spouse free from the debt of their sin. Even though we may not be able to forget what happened or that it doesn’t still hurt. What it means is we don’t seek vengeance for our spouses wrongdoing. We don’t delight when we see them punished by God or by man for their sin. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13. “But Lord you don’t understand, what they did really hurt me” Right, isn’t that what we say to God when asks us to forgive? But the Lord does understand, he forgave us for MURDERING his son. He not only forgave us but he welcomes us into heaven for those who repent and believe in his son. We hurt God tremendously when we sent Jesus to the cross but he still calls us his sons and daughters. If God can forgive us for such a grievous sin, we can certainly forgive our spouses for their sin against us. And unlike God, we most likely had some sort of guilt in their sin against us. We, however, sent the sinless son of God to the cross only because he didn’t fit the mold we had of the coming Messiah. This doesn’t mean we won’t need serious counseling and help from the Lord to forgive, but who better to help us with this than the one who knows the best?