Confused About our Marital Roles

Who’s Leading this Team? Someone has to lead the way, otherwise, we just walk in circles. Unfortunately, we live in a time where women are competing with men so much to be able to do everything they can do, that we miss that we have our own jobs and priorities to be focused on. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24. On a football team, not everyone can be a coach, and there can only be one quarterback. We get ourselves and our marriages into trouble when we try to play roles that we weren’t intended to play.

Meet me in the Middle. A person who says I’ll meet you halfway is oftentimes a poor judge of distance. The problem with this 50/50 kind of relationship is that it is very transactional. This method put each spouse as the judge and jury against the other. One person’s actions are determined by how well the other performs at getting their half done. Well, you didn’t live up to your fair share, so why should I do mine, kind of mentality? This kind of mentality is neither good for us, nor is it good for our relationships. God reminds us that all good things come from him, not us. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:8-10. If instead, we are focused on how to be God’s handymen and women, we won’t be so focused on what a great job we did, but rather look at what God helped us accomplish. After all, God is our ultimate boss, judge, and jury. He is the one to say whether we did a good job or not. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. Colossians 3:23. The problem with trying to work to please our human masters is, they are sinful people too. Their approval can depend a lot on their emotions and how they are feeling that day. God will always judge our work as fair and balanced.

A Wife’s Role. Both husband and wife cannot be head of the household. So what does that make a wife’s role look like? The wife is supposed to be respectful of her husband. And the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33. A woman’s attitude towards her husband has huge power over the strength of their marriage. If she truly honors and respects him, he becomes a more confident and loyal leader. If she tears him down constantly, he feels little self-worth in his family. A wife must also be submissive to her husband’s leadership. God put your husband in charge of your family, let him bear that burden. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Ephesians 5: 21-22. Most people miss verse 21, but we all have someone we need to be submissive to. For a wife to be submissive doesn’t mean her husband should act like a dictator. A husband who respects his wife also values her opinions. God may be using the wife to further instill His word in the husband when making decisions. Submission for a wife means respecting your husband’s point of view. You should be humble when sharing your opinion with him and trusting his decision as a leader that God appointed to your family.