There’s No Place For Isolation Within a Marriage

Shifting and Drifting. Most marriages start out with a good outlook toward the future. Plans that only look happy and bright, but for so many, things can get sideways pretty quickly. So let’s identify some of the ways marriages start to pull apart at the seams. Have you ever gotten two very different versions of a story from a couple? It’s like they aren’t even on the same page. How does that happen? It happens because we as flawed humans naturally drift towards isolating ourselves. The big problem with isolation is that we start to feel that we are the only ones who value something or behave a certain way. Isolation not only puts physical separation between people, but it quickly becomes an emotional separation too. When you aren’t sharing your deepest desires, hopes, and dreams with your spouse, you can feel that you guys aren’t on the same page. Nobody is exempt from this scheme of the devil. Even when Jesus was alone in the wilderness, the devil came and tried to tempt him. Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. Matthew 4:1-2. When he gets you to a place where you feel alone and unsupported, all kinds of lies can take root in your heart. Without the edification and encouragement of truthful voices, the devil whispers to you that you are a victim, that you are being taken advantage of, and that nobody loves you. Isolation is a very dangerous place, so stay in the company of your spouse and other strong believers.

What about my happiness? Today we live in a culture that is focused on how happy we are at every waking second. We think, if we aren’t happy, then something needs to change. But if we look in the bible not once do we see, stay married and don’t get divorced unless you’re unhappy. We see quite the opposite. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5. We see that our human flesh feels more not-so-glamorous emotions than happiness. So the next time someone tells you they aren’t happy in their marriage ask what happiness has to do with anything. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33.Not only does the bible not mention our happiness in marriage but Jesus promised us troubles in this world. So maybe we should look at them as troubles to work through, not give up on.

Sin has affected every marriage. So why do we think that our marriage is going to be the only one that will survive the attacks of the devil and that MY marriage will work out perfectly and we will live happily ever after? Every marriage has its weaknesses and is prone to breakdown. Some have mild weaknesses while others have huge problems. Because of Adam and Eve’s sin in the garden, God says to the woman,“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16. What does that mean, that the woman’s desire will be for her husband? Some people much smarter than me have said that this means she will desire to overpower or subdue the man. And because of sin, he will respond in like manner and with his strength subdue her, or rule over her. So you see as part of our punishment, God made it harder for us to get along. That’s why people say marriage is “work”. Because it is. Thankfully God gives us a huge how-to book on how to work out everything that goes on in our lives. We can read the bible and get a wonderful blueprint for how God wants us to behave in our marriages. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13.