Do we even speak the same language? How to have Godly communication.

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19-20.

Have you ever gotten into an argument with your spouse because the two of you weren’t communicating effectively? Sometimes it seems like husbands and wives speak different languages. But God designed spouses differently so that we could be complimentary to each other. The bible warns us repeatedly of controlling our tongue and there is a very good reason for that.

A soothing tongue [speaking words that build up and encourage] is a tree of life, But a perversive tongue [speaking words that overwhelm and depress] crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:4

Our words carry immense weight with them and have the power of life and death. So sometimes the focus of our conversations is not what we say but how we listen to each other. Nobody wants to feel like they are talking to a brick wall so be engaged in the conversation you and your spouse are having. It’s also important to realize the person’s intentions behind the conversation. Is your spouse coming from a place of love? Do you know that their intentions are good, but you are just picking on the way it was phrased, or maybe the timing wasn’t perfect?

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32).

It’s alright to be the first one to apologize. It doesn’t make you weak, in fact, it makes you look more like Christ. And in case you have forgotten, try to think about how many sins Christ has forgiven you for. I’m sure it’s an overwhelming amount. When your conversations turn heated, try to leave the past, in the past. It doesn’t do anybody any good to bring up hurtful situations from the past, especially if that situation has already been dealt with and forgiven.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 tells us to “Pray continually.”

If we are constantly in prayer for our spouse and for our marriage, it is more difficult to stay focused on our spouse’s flaws, and the issues in our marriage. God already knows what we are dealing with, our frustrations, limitations, etc so cast your burdens upon him. If we are praying for our spouse it not only makes that relationship stronger between ourselves and God but also the relationship with our spouse. Prayer only makes things better, so find a quiet place where just you and the creator of the universe can be alone and pour your heart out to Him. Not only will you be able to start mending the broken areas of your marriage but you’ll fall in love with the time you spend with God. You will start to crave that one-on-one time with Him.